Struggle to Breathe
by A Thing For Brothers
Summary: What If Johnny Hadn't Gone into The Burning Church sequel. Each member of the gang struggles with their own problems. Will they be able to help each other out or will their concern for one another keep them from speaking the truth? Warning for chapter 18
1. Stubborn

**Why, hello, everyone! Did you miss me? I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to start this story. I've been super busy, and I had another story that I wanted to finish before I started this one. I've decided to do both Numb3rs and The Outsiders stories at once to satisfy both fans. The sequel takes place 3 months after the last story took off. We'll see more of Rose and Pony will do lots of exciting things. It'll still be a drama and angst, though. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Lots of the chapters will start with a letter.**

**Pony's POV**

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_I hate to make you worry, but I really hate it here. It's really not so different from home because of the people. They're all rough and mean. It's not that. It's just that I'm really homesick._

_But most of all, I'm upset about my parents. I always expected them to care. I mean, they'd hurt me physically, but the emotional part hurt worse. Pony, I can only tell you this because you're my best friend, and you think about these things more than anyone else. If I told Dallas, or even Soda, they wouldn't understand. But you do. I don't know who else to talk to._

_I don't mean to make you worry. Things aren't so bad. Only nine months to go._

_Your friend,_

_Johnny_

I set Johnny's letter on my desk and sank back into the wheel chair.

I blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears away. I had been doing that a lot lately.

I heard a knock on my door. I wiped at my eyes and called "come in."

Darry stepped inside my room and sat down on my bed.

"Pony? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Darry. Is it time to go already?"

"Yeah. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Darry got up and left the room.

I wheeled my chair out, following him.

He held the door open for me and then we went out to the truck. Soda was working. Darry had taken the day off to take me to physical therapy.

I was improving. I still couldn't walk, but I had a lot of hopes to be able to some time. My right leg was becoming more muscular and I was able to feel things once more.

I pulled up beside the truck and opened the door. I reached for the car handle and pulled myself in.

The strength in my arms had changed dramatically, and not just from the physical therapy. I've had to use them a lot just for the wheelchair. The therapists wanted my upper-body strength to be better before we worried about my legs.

I hated what I was doing to Soda and Darry. It must be costing them a fortune. I hardly saw them enough as is, but now they had to work double what they usually did. Soda had even gotten a second job for the weekends. He was working at some bar as a bus boy. He wouldn't let me come see it because he said it's too dangerous.

Darry placed my wheelchair in the back of the truck and came around to his side and got into the driver's seat. We drove off in silence.

I still wasn't talking much. I figured the less I said the less they'd ask. I didn't want their pity, and I hated that they were always worrying about me. I talked when I knew they were concerned about my silence, but that was about as much as I would talk.

"Hey, Pony?"

I turned to Darry, breaking out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, Dar?"

"I just wanted to let you know... Soda and I are really proud of you. You've come a long way and you'd done really well. People twice your age wouldn't be able to deal with something as bad as this as you have."

And how am I dealing with it? You have no idea, Darry.

"Thanks." I looked out the window once more, letting my thoughts carry me away from the world I hated.

**Darry's POV**

Pony was doing so well with the therapy. He hadn't gotten to try walking yet, but that was just because his leg still wasn't strong enough. It was a miracle that the nerve endings in his leg weren't permanently damaged.

I watched from the chair in the corner as Pony lifted weights with his arms while his right leg was stretched out on the bench in front of him. The therapist moved the leg back and forth, Pony having no control over it.

I felt my heart clench when I saw Pony look down at his legs. The anger and sadness made my insides knot. Pony has come so far, but it was still killing him. He wouldn't speak a word about it to me and Soda.

I saw the same stubborn streak I had in Pony. He turned his gaze away from his leg and pushed himself harder with the weights. He was too like me in that sense.

The work he had to do was worse than I had when I played football. I was physically fit to begin with. Pony had been, but over time, the muscles in his leg had worn away from lack of use.

I held my head in my hands. Stress from having to work all the time was building up. I hated that I had to ask Soda to get a second job. He didn't deserve to work like a dog. He hadn't complained, but I could see it taking a toll on him.

"Darry? You okay?" Pony asked.

I looked up, wiping at the tears that formed behind my closed lids.

"Yeah, I'm fine, kiddo. Are you done already?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Let's go, then."

I walked beside Pony in his wheel chair. We went out to the truck. I waited for him to get in so I could carry his wheelchair to the back of the truck.

Pony reached up and held onto the door handle and the seat handle. HIs hand slipped and he fell hard against the truck.

"Pony!" I exclaimed. I grabbed him from around the waist. He breathed heavily, scared from the fall.

"You're okay. I've got you."

I lifted Pony into the seat and took his wheelchair around to the back. When I got into my side, Pony was shaking like a leaf.

"You okay, kiddo?" I asked, laying a comforting hand on his arm.

"I-I'm fine."

His voice shook with fear.

"You probably just overdid it today."

I hoped he wasn't thinking that was a step back. He had been able to get in the truck by himself for months. What I said was probably true. He had over worked himself, but he always seemed to.

We drove home in silence. I'd steal glances at Pony who still looked shaken.

When we pulled up I brought his chair to his side. He sat at the open door.

"What's the matter?"

He shook his head.

"Will... will you help me?"

"Pony, you can do this. You've been able to for months."

He shook his head again. I sighed and reached for him and moved him to his chair in one swift moment.

In the brief moment he was in my arms, I noticed his loss of weight. It was apparent when I looked at him, but actually feeling how light he was scared me. He needed to eat more.

Pony went to his room and I went to mine to get ready for work. I sighed. I was really getting sick of having to work so much, but I had to to pay for all these hospital bills.

**Pony's POV**

Darry left shortly after we got home. I felt guilty for making Soda and Darry work so hard. That's why I pushed myself every appointment with the physical therapist.

I didn't like being home alone. Soda would be home in three hours, but it seemed a life time to me. I don't know why I cared having him home. I didn't speak to him anyway. But I always felt better with someone home.

I must have fallen asleep on the couch because before I knew it, Soda was coming through the door.

"Hey, Pony." Soda came around the couch to sit by me.

"Hey."

"How'd the therapy go?" His voice was strained, as though he was fighting exhaustion.

"It was okay."

Soda yawned. I missed the happy-go-lucky Sodapop. He was now too drained to be too overly excited.

Soda wrapped an arm around me and moved my head to his shoulder. I leaned on him, letting him be my pillow.

Soon we were both asleep, comforted by the others' presence.


	2. Exhaustion

**Thanks for the great feedback. It's good to see some familiar names, and even a few new ones! Keep reviewing, I'll keep writing!**

**Johnny's POV**

_Dear Johnny,_

_I wish you were here. I need to talk to someone. These letters aren't enough. I can't talk to Soda because he'd tell Darry and then they'd worry. I can't even think about telling Steve or Two-Bit. They'd laugh at me, or ignore me. It's awful._

_I feel so lost. I don't know what to think. The therapists all talk like I'm going to be able to walk. I should be happy, but I'm not. School is the worst. I have no friends, except for Steve and Two-Bit. And you know them, they're hardly at school anyway. I'm doing good with all my work. It's something to pass the time and make me forget everything else._

_Enough about me. I know you have enough problems to deal with._

_Don't feel too bad about your parents. I wouldn't even consider them your parents. They were always mean to you. I don't remember a time when they were nice to you. The gang is your real family. You should know that._

_We haven't seen Dallas around much. He's been gone a lot since we saw you. I think it's really bothering him. I think he blames himself._

_I hope you're okay. I'll try to stay gold, Johnny, but sometimes it's hard._

_Your friend,_

_Ponyboy Curtis_

I laid down Pony's letter, placing them with the others. Pony sounded like he needed a friend. I knew he had the gang, but none of them listened the way he needed. The gang was too tough to understand what he was going through. Darry and Soda could help him, but I doubted he'd let them.

I sat back on my only chair. I shared the room with a guy named Tom, but he didn't talk much, not that I did. He seemed as upset about being here as I was.

I went to my bed. I had the lower bunk and Tom had the higher. He was up there now, writing or drawing. I wasn't sure.

I curled up on my bed and covered up. I wasn't tired, but something about the place made me scared. It wasn't anything like the prison I had been at. That was hell on earth. Here I felt like I had something to prove to them. I felt like what I did was something to be proud of, though I wasn't proud of it at all.

I buried my face in pillow and fought the nightmare I was living.

**Darry's POV**

I sighed with relief when I pulled into our driveway. I hated getting home so late. Ten o'clock at night wasn't my idea of a good time to get home.

I missed getting to cook supper for Pony and Soda. Soda was responsible for that now. Every night I'd come home and there'd be a plate of something I didn't recognize on my plate. I'd have to ask him half the time what it was. I hoped he was making sure Pony was eating.

I did get to cook on weekends, but I had to be out earlier. Then, Soda wasn't normally home.

I hated how we were falling apart, just to make payments. I knew Pony needed us now more than ever, but I had to put his physical needs before his emotional. I couldn't take more time off or we'd never be able to pay all the hospital bills, on top of the others.

I walked inside the house and found Soda and Pony asleep on the couch. Soda had his arm around him and Pony leaned heavily against Soda's shoulder.

I smiled at the sight of them so peaceful. It was rare that they looked so content.

The smile vanished when I noted the dark circles under Soda's eyes. It was bad enough that Pony looked ghostly most of the time, but now Soda?

I went over to them and shook Soda's shoulder.

"Come on, little buddy. Let's get you to bed."

He opened his eyes groggily.

"Hey, Darry," He mumbled.

He got up and stumbled to the hall.

I thought about waking Pony, but figured it'd be easier to just carry him. I picked him up and brought him to his room.

Soda held the covers back while I laid Pony in the bed. I smiled my thanks.

Soda pulled the covers up to Pony's chin.

"Thanks, little buddy. Good night."

"'Night, Darry." Soda yawned and crawled into bed.

I went to the door and looked back behind me. Soda was moving closer to Pony and putting his arm around him once more. Soda pulled Pony to his chest and soon he was snoring along with Pony.

I ignored the leftovers on the kitchen table and just went to bed.

I lay there for at least an hour. My thoughts wouldn't still. I couldn't just relax. It was too hard for me.

Tomorrow Pony would have to go back to school. He had to take the day off today for his appointment. I hoped he wouldn't fall behind. So far this year he had been bringing home A's. It surprised me he did so well, just because he seemed so distracted most of the time. Who knew what else he had to deal with.

I finally fell asleep, mainly from exhaustion. I was glad, though. I had to remain strong for Soda and Pony.

**Soda's POV**

I woke up the next morning and found Pony was already awake. That definitely meant I had to be up.

I dressed in my DX shirt and jeans.

I went out to the kitchen and found Pony was sitting at the table, dressed and ready.

"Am I running late this morning?" I asked, wondering if I over slept. I looked at the clock. It was only seven thirty.

"No. I just got up early."

"Oh."

I went to the ice box and got out the chocolate cake I had made last night.

"Have you eaten?"

He nodded, but I doubted he had. He did have a glass of chocolate milk in front of him.

I took out a small piece for myself and ate it quickly.

"Do you want to be to school early this morning?"

He shook his head. I wondered if something had happened that made him want to get up early.

"Did you have a nightmare?" I asked.

He shook his head, but the tears formed in his eyes and I knew he was lying.

I rushed to his side.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, rubbing his back in circles.

Pony shook his head no once more.

A few tears spilled from his eyes this time.

I wrapped my arms around his small frame and held him close. He never openly sobbed, but I felt him tremble underneath my arms.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked when he pushed away.

Finally, he nodded.

I smiled at him and chucked his chin.

"You're a good kid, Pony. I'm proud of you."

He smiled up at me. It was like a long lost friend. I hadn't seen him smile in a long time. It upset me.

"Let me get ready and then we can go."

I went to the bathroom to clean up and then went back to the kitchen.

"Ready?"

He nodded and we started for the door.

We were interrupted by Two-Bit and Steve coming through the door.

"Hey, Soda. Hey, Pony." They both said.

"What's up?" I asked, my hand on the top of Pony's wheel chair.

"Two-Bit's giving out car rides today. He wanted to know if Pony wanted a ride so you and I could get to work," Steve explained.

"Oh. Is that okay with you, Pony? I could use the extra time to get ready. Maybe then I can be home early tonight," I suggested, trying to make it easier for him by giving him the hope that I'd be home early.

"Okay." Pony wheeled himself outside and Two-Bit followed.

I watched with concern. I knew he wasn't thrilled about me not walking him to school. He didn't talk much, but after having a nightmare, I figured he'd want some comfort or maybe even talk about it.

"You okay, man?" Steve asked, looking at me with a concerned look.

"I'm fine. Let's go."

We left the house. I watched Two-Bit speed away. I hope he was capable of taking care of Pony. I trusted him, but sometimes Two-Bit could be reckless. Well, actually, he was most of the time.


	3. Fight

**Pony's POV**

I gripped the armrest with all my strength as Two-Bit sped away from my house. He drove like a maniac. I never should have trusted him to drive me to school.

I knew that Soda needed to work, and if there was chance he could be home early, I'd take it. I just hoped I wouldn't regret it now.

I was still shaken from the nightmare I had had last night. It seemed more real to all the others. I wanted to talk to Soda about it, but he had to work, so I'd have to wait.

Two-Bit pulled into a parking space at school. We had made it there in three minutes. It should have taken ten, and that's if we made the light. It wasn't a far way way. That's why Soda walked me to school. The DX was right in between our house and school, so it didn't cost him much extra time. Driving, though, it would take longer because there are two stop lights and lots of times we get stuck behind the school bus. With Two-Bit, that never mattered.

I waited for Two-Bit to take my wheelchair out for me. When he did, I got on and we went up to the front of the building.

I was the only student I knew who had to use the handicap entrance. Only kids who had broken their legs before had needed to use it. Sometimes people walk up the ramp, but they don't actually have a need to use it. They just are too lazy to go around.

I wheeled up the slope and Two-Bit opened the door for me.

"See you later, kid," Two-Bit said as he found some Greasers to talk to.

I felt alone. I wheeled down the hallway to my locker to get my books for first period.

People turned to stare as I walked by. I felt my cheeks redden. I hated their gaze on me. So I'm in a wheelchair, so what?

It shouldn't matter to me, but it did. People I considered my friends wouldn't talk to me. If someone did, they talked loudly, like I couldn't hear. I'm handicapped, not deaf. It had happened so many times that I actually started telling people that.

I wheeled myself to my classroom without saying a word to anyone, not that anyone said anything to me.

As the day went on, I got more and more aggravated with my classmates. They'd all make excuses to "help me out." I could help myself, thank you very much. I didn't need them to "push me to my next class." I didn't need them to "carry my books." I just wanted to be left alone. I could take care of myself.

Finally, the day ended. I knew I'd have to wait around for a few minutes. Soda walked me home, or to the DX after school, but he had to wait until he could get off to come get me. Also, he didn't couldn't waste time waiting in line to come get me.

I wheeled down to the track field. Just seeing it brought a lump to my throat. I felt bitter tears well in my eyes, but I forced them away.

The track team came out. People looked at me over their shoulders. They had once been my teammates, my second. Now they felt more like strangers to me. Strangers who gave me their pity. It was the last thing I wanted.

Angrily, I turned away and wheeled to toward the front of the school. Suddenly, something caught in my tire, making it stop, and I went flying out of my wheelchair.

My wheelchair lay farther away from me than I could reach. I doubted I would have been able to get in it without it sliding away anyway.

Then, I saw the reason for the accident. A Soc, along with two of his friends, held a long stick. I wondered how I had missed them.

The group of Socs moved toward me. I crawled, but I was too slow because of the extra weight of my still limp leg.

It was no use. One of the guys pinned me down by placing his foot on my back and stepping down hard. I whimpered in pain, but I tried not to let them notice.

"Where you think you're going, Greaser?" The one above me asked.

I froze in place.

One of the others came around and kicked me in the ribs. The breath was knocked out of me. I tried to double up, but the weight on my back prevented me to.

"I think this Greaser needs some help getting into his wheelchair."

A shiver ran up my spine.

_Soda, please, come!_

**Soda's POV**

I walked up to the school and looked around. I didn't see Pony anywhere. I figured he'd be over here soon.

I leaned on the brick wall in front of the school, waiting for Pony to show up.

"Hey, Sodapop," Two-Bit said as he came over to stand by me.

"Hey, Two-Bit. Have you seen Pony? He should be here by now."

"Not since lunch."

We waited around in silence. I noticed people moving toward the back of the building. I wondered what was going on.

"Let's go see what all the fuss is about," Two-Bit suggested. I reluctantly followed.

When we came around the corner, there was a circle of people around. I noticed that all but a few were Socs. This couldn't be good.

"Let me through!" I demanded as I pushed through the crowd.

My heart stopped when I got to the middle.

Three Socs were attacking Pony. Pony lay limp on the ground, his hands covering his face as one of the Socs punched him hard in the chest.

Rage blinded me. I dove in and attacked, knowing that Two-Bit was right behind me.

I landed on the Soc who was attacking Pony directly. He was shoved off Pony's limp form and I pounded my fist in his face. Never before had I been so mad.

Soon I could tell the crowd was breaking up, but I paid no attention.

"What is going on here?" A male voice demanded.

Suddenly, I was pulled off the Soc I was fighting, but not without fighting to remain attacking.

"That's enough!" The same voice said.

I looked up to see the principal of the school. He had come in time to break up the fight.

"What is going on?" He asked again.

"These damn guys were beating up my brother!" I spat.

"We weren't doing anything!" One of the Socs argued.

"Mr. Curtis, if my memory serves me correctly, you're no longer a student here. As for the rest of you, I want to see you in my office first thing in the morning."

When he was sure that there would be no more trouble, he left. The Socs followed behind, but not before one turned back, waving a single finger at me.

I glared at there retreating backs, then stooped down beside Pony.

"Pony? Pony, baby, are you all right?" I asked.

He lay face down, his shoulders shaking.

I grabbed him by the upper arms and pulled him to a sitting position.

"Damn Socs," Two-Bit muttered.

I looked into Pony's tear-streaked face. I knew he was scared and I felt the rage welling up inside me as I surveyed the damage the Socs had done.

"I want to go home," Pony said as he buried his face in the front of my shirt.

"Okay, okay, buddy. We'll go home."

I picked Pony up and walked toward the parking lot.

"Two-Bit, bring his wheelchair, would you?"

I searched the parking lot for Two-Bit's car. I found it and placed Pony in the back seat and settled in next to him.

Two-Bit folded Pony's wheelchair and placed it up front. Rather than speeding away recklessly, he actually drove the speed limit as he brought Pony and I home.

Pony sat shaking uncontrollably beside me. I kept my arm around him and every once in a while I'd squeeze his shoulder.

When we pulled up to our house, Two-BIt carried Pony's wheelchair inside, while I carried Pony.

When we got inside, I laid Pony on the couch.

"Two-Bit, would you mind going over to the DX and telling Steve I won't be back?"

"Sure. Take care of the kid."

"I will."

Two-Bit left and I returned to Pony's side.

I quickly treated his wounds. He had a bloody nose, a black eye, and I knew he'd have bruised ribs. When I cleaned up what I knew was hurt, I asked him if there was anything else.

He shook his head no, tears streaming down his face once more.

"It's okay, Pony. You're all right now," I comforted.

As Pony's eyes drooped with exhaustion, I got up and went to the kitchen. I grabbed the phone and called Darry.

"Hello?"

I was surprised to get Darry on the first ring. He usually wasn't inside enough to answer the phone. He must either be on break or be finishing up.

"Darry? It's me."

"Soda? What's going on? Is everything all right?"

"No. Pony got beat up. Is there anyway you can come home early?"

"I'm on my way. Just hold tight, little buddy."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Darry would make things better. He always did.

**I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update! I have been so busy and lazy. I'll try to be better, though I do have another story I need to update a lot, too.**


	4. Uhoh

**Darry's POV**

I drove home, gripping the wheel tightly as my anger grew. How could the Socs be so damn cruel? He's handicapped for crying out loud!

I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my racing pulse. I wish Pony didn't have to go through all this.

I pulled into our driveway and jumped out of the truck. I went inside quickly, knowing Pony and Soda would need me.

When I came inside, I found Pony lying on the couch, staring ahead of him unseeingly. He clutched a pillow tightly to his chest and tears streamed down his face.

Soda was sitting on the floor in front of him, brushing hair back from his face. Pony didn't even acknowledge his presence. Soda looked up when I walked in, then stood to his feet. Pony too no notice of his absence.

"How is he?" I asked, looking around Soda to Pony.

"I don't know. He won't talk to me. He's in his own little world."

"What happened?"

"Those damn Socs attacked him. He must have fallen out of his wheelchair, or maybe they knocked him out. I don't know. They surrounded him and beat him. Luckily, Two-Bit and I were around or it could have been worse. Come on." Soda motioned for me to follow.

I sat on the edge of the couch where there was still room. Soda lifted Pony's shirt to show the angry purple bruising on his ribs. I winced, knowing how painful they must be.

Next Soda brushed Pony's hair back to reveal a bandage on Pony's forehead. Blood showed through the white bandage.

There was a bruise on Pony's face and I could see the beginning of a black eye around his left eye.

Looking at Pony's face, full of fear, I felt my stomach clench. "Oh, Pony."

Finally, Pony looked up. Blinking rapidly, he seemed to break himself out of his daze.

"Darry," he cried as he threw himself into my arms.

I lifted Pony onto my lap, holding him tightly against my chest. I could feel him tremble against me and I rubbed his back soothingly in a circular motion.

Soda sat beside us on the couch. He took over rubbing Pony's back.

No sobs sounded from Pony's mouth. He just shook with silent tears rolling down his face. I could feel them dampen the front of my shirt, but I didn't care.

Soon Pony's shakes stopped. I assumed he fell asleep, though I could still feel fresh wetness to the front of my shirt.

I gently pulled Pony off my chest. He had fallen asleep. I noted that the tears had finally stopped.

I lifted him into my arms and brought him to his room. It was early for bed, but I wanted to keep him as comfortable as possible.

I laid him on his bed. Soda pulled the covers over him.

I walked out of the room and soon Soda followed.

"Are you okay, little buddy?" I asked as I noticed a bruise on his cheek.

"Yeah. The Soc I landed on got the worst of it." He smiled ruefully, and I had to return it.

"I'm glad. It just makes me so furious that they'd be that stupid." My fists clenched, proving my point.

"I know. I just hate to think what could have happened if I wasn't there when I was. People were standing around them, watching it happen! What kind of person with half a conscience would do that?" The fury on Soda's face surprised me. He never got so angry. He was always a happy guy.

"Did you check Pony's leg?" I knew Pony wouldn't have been able to complain about it hurting. It was a fact I was still having trouble getting used to.

"No."

"I'll do it."

I got up, placing a hand on Soda's shoulder when I passed him sitting on the couch.

Pony was resting fitfully. I heard a soft whimper escape his lips.

I rubbed his shoulder.

"Sh. You're okay," I soothed.

When Pony seemed more comfortable, I moved to the end of the bed. I rolled up Pony's pant leg, inspecting the damage.

Besides a few bruises, it seemed fine. I even felt around the bone, just to make sure.

When I reassured myself that his leg was fine, I left.

Soda was sleeping lightly when I came back. I smiled. He seemed tired more often than usual. Again, I felt the pangs of guilt, knowing that it was my fault that he had to work so hard.

Smiling through the guilt, I went to the kitchen to start supper. I took pleasure in being able to make a meal for my two younger brothers. It was the least I could do.

I knew I shouldn't have left work. I couldn't afford to miss, but I had a commitment to my family first.

I made grilled cheese sandwiches and vegetable soup, knowing it'd be something light.

When I finished the sandwiches, I went to the living room to wake Soda.

"Hmm?" He mumbled when I shook his shoulder.

"Come on, buddy. Supper's ready."

He shook a hand at me, turning back over for more sleep.

I smiled, knowing Soda was always once to like his sleep.

I shook him harder and he jumped up.

"What?" He exclaimed, looking around.

I laughed.

"Calm down, Soda. I's just time to eat."

He rubbed a hand over his face and stumbled toward the kitchen.

I went down the hall to get Pony.

"Pony? Come on, kiddo, wake up."

He moaned and moved to look at me.

"It's time to eat. I made some soup and sandwiches."

He moaned again, but sat up.

"Where's my wheelchair?" He asked as he looked around the room.

"It's in the living room."

"Can you get it for me?"

I sighed, but complied to his wishes. I liked feeling that he needed me. When I carried him, I felt like I was actually doing him some good.

I wheeled his chair to his room.

He got himself in. I noticed the sharp intake of breath when he finally got in.

"You okay?" I asked.

He nodded. I didn't believe him because I saw the way he clenched his teeth, fighting off pain.

I didn't pressure him anymore, though and followed him out to the kitchen.

Soda had his elbow on the table and his head leaning on his fist. He looked like he was about to fall asleep and dive head-first into the grilled cheese.

I ruffled his hair when I passed him.

I took out the bowls and poured soup for the three of us.

Soda ate hungrily but Pony just picked at the food.

When Soda was finished, he went out to the living room and stretched out on the couch.

Pony went back to his room, leaving me to do the dishes.

I worked in silence, knowing that Soda was trying to get more sleep. I thought it a blessing that he got to take the afternoon off. Again, we needed the money, but he had to be capable of doing the work.

A sudden pain in my stomach had been doubled over a the sink. I grabbed the edges of the counter, keeping me on my feet.

Feeling a wave of nausea, I rushed out of the kitchen and to the bathroom where I threw up.

I leaned back against the wall, hoping Soda and Pony didn't hear me.

I looked in the toilet, only to find something that disturbed my stomach even more.

The contents were red, colored with blood.

I didn't need this right now.

**Soda's POV**

I was suddenly jarred awake. I looked around, wondering what woke me.

I saw that Darry wasn't in the kitchen, so I stood to make sure it wasn't him.

I peaked into mine and Pony's room. Pony was sleeping peacefully.

I went to the bathroom door and knocked.

"Darry? Are you all right?"

"Um ... yeah, Soda, I'm fine." His voice was uncertain, scaring me.

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

I shrugged. If something was wrong, Darry would tell me.

Wouldn't he?

**Okay, that was a little short and I know it was mostly in Darry's POV, but you know how I love him! I'll add more of the gangs' POVs in the next chapter.**

**Happy 4th of July!**


	5. Concern

**Hey, guys, keep an eye on my writing. The other chapter I found myself writing "I pulled Pony to his feet." Oops. Luckily, I caught it. Let me know if I do any of that. Ha. Sorry it's taken a while!**

**Pony's POV**

I was still shaken from yesterday's events, but I knew I had to go to school. Soda gave me the option of not going but I declined. At school, I could bury myself in work to the point that I forgot about all my other problems.

Two-Bit picked me up again so Soda could get to work. I knew he wouldn't be early tonight because he didn't go back to work yesterday. If I hadn't been so upset and tired, yesterday would have been a better day since I had both my brothers home.

I was pleased to find that Darry still had the calming effect on me. Just being hugged by him made me feel stronger than I really am. Maybe it's some of his strength passed on to me. I'm not sure. Whatever it was, I was happy that it made me feel better.

I always felt protected by Soda and I could talk to him easier than I could Darry. But he just didn't have the presence that Darry does.

Two-Bit and I went silently to the principal's office as we had been directed. I hoped that this would be one situation where the Socs wouldn't get all the breaks.

The three Socs from yesterday were already inside, waiting on us.

"Sit down, boys," Principal Granger said.

Considering I was already sitting, I moved closer and aligned my wheelchair with Two-Bit's.

"What I saw yesterday was a disgrace. Considering what I saw, I would assume that Pony was the victim here."

_Wow! You're a genius! There's no way that the handicapped kid would be the victim!_

"I know Keith is a friend of Pony's and since his brother was there, also, I have assumed that Curt, Larry, and Greg are the ones to blame."

_It's a miracle! We weren't to blame!_

"You boys know fighting is not allowed on school grounds. You're hereby suspended for one week. I expect you to be back in my office when your suspension is over. That's all."

We headed to the door to leave. When we were out, one of the Socs shoved my wheelchair from the back, catching me off guard.

"What's the matter? You can't beat up people your own size, Greg?" Two-Bit said, an angry glare shining in his eyes.

The Socs backed off and left the school.

"You okay?" Two-Bit asked as he looked down at me.

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'll see you at lunch."

"Sure."

I wheeled to my locker. I was glad it didn't take too long with the principal. Somedays it took me longer than others to get ready. I figured today would be a slow day.

When I got home that afternoon, after Two-Bit dropped off, I found that I had another letter from Johnny.

I opened on my way up the sidewalk. Darry and Soda had put an old board they had found in the garage for me to use as a ramp. Though unsteady, it worked.

When I was safe inside with the door closed I settled in the living room and read the letter.

_Dear Pony,_

_You should be grateful that you should be able to walk again. I'm happy for you. I knew something good would have to come from this._

_Pony, I thought of something scary. Where am I going to go when I get out of here? They told me they wouldn't place me back in my parents' care, so who then? I don't want to be put with some strangers! They wouldn't do that, would they? I can't imagine being away from you guys. What if they don't place me back in Tulsa? What will I do?_

_I'm sorry, but these thoughts have been haunting me for days. Tom, my roommate, doesn't have much to say about it. I asked him if he knew what they'd do, but he said he wasn't sure. It was the most I had heard out of him. Sometimes he reminds me of you because he likes to write and draw._

_I hope Dallas is okay. Let me know if you see him, okay? And if you do, tell him I'm okay for the most part. I don't want him to worry. Tell the gang I said hi._

_Your buddy,_

_Johnny_

**Steve's POV**

I watched Soda carefully as he worked behind the counter. He hadn't been himself for too long. We hadn't done much together because of his other job. He was always so worried about Pony that even when he wasn't working he wanted to just stay home with Pony.

I needed to talk to Soda, but I didn't want to add to his worries. My father had kicked me out, and for good this time. I had gone back home the day after he told me to get out, expecting a few dollars as an apology. But when I got home, he screamed for me to get out. I went back again the next day, and he still wouldn't let me in. I assumed this was it finally. I should have seen it coming, but I never expected him to kick me out permanently. I had spent the past few nights at Two-Bit's so Soda wouldn't suspect anything was wrong.

I wanted to talk to Soda. He was a good listener and he was able to give me advice when needed. Right now, I just needed an ear to listen to me while I ranted about my idiot father.

Not letting it get to me, I shook my head to ward off the thoughts of what had happened and buried myself in my work.

**Dallas' POV**

I shook hands with Brady, the guy who was getting me drugs as cheap as possible. I had gotten a job with Buck. I had worked for him in the past, but it was more permanent now. I had to have some money to get my weed.

Before I got completely stoned, I decided to check on the gang. It had been weeks since I had seen them last and I worried about Pony. I wondered if they even noticed I'd been gone.

I drove Buck's truck he used to haul his horses around and drove to the Darry, Soda, and Pony's house. That's where the gang usually was.

When I pulled up, I noticed that there were no cars in the driveway. That was unusual, but I went in anyway.

"Anybody home?" I called when I stepped through the doorway.

"Coming!" I heard Pony call.

A few minutes later, Pony wheeled down the hall and into the living room.

"Hey, Dally. I haven't seen you in a while. How are you?"

"Not too bad, kid. How about you? How's the, uh, therapy going?"

Something flashed in his eyes before he spoke. I assumed it wasn't going that well.

"It's okay, I guess. I just got a letter from Johnny."

At the sound of Johnny's name, I cringed. He'd be ashamed of me, knowing what I'd been doing. Johnny was too pure compared to me. What the hell did I care, anyway?

"Yeah? How's he doing?" I forced my voice to sound natural, though it didn't seem that way when I spoke.

"He told me to tell you that he's doing okay for the most part. He's worried about what he'll do when he gets out. Other than that, I think he's okay."

I took in Pony's haggard look.

"What about you? How are you holding up?"

Pony looked down to his hands in his lap.

"I'm...I'm okay."

"Bravo! Bravo! You actually convinced me. Come on, Pone, even I didn't fall for that."

"It's nothing."

"Nothing, huh? Well, okay. Where's everyone else?"

"Soda and Steve are working at the DX. Two-Bit's out getting drunk some where. And Darry is working as always."

"They leave you alone that often?"

"Yeah. They have to to keep up with the bills." I heard the bitterness in Pony's voice and I knew he wasn't happy with the changes.

"Well, I better get going. Tell everyone I said hey."

"Dallas?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"What are you doing?" I could tell by the way he asked it, he wasn't asking about what I was doing after I left here.

"It's nothing, kid. Stop worrying. I know what I'm doing."

Sadness filled his eyes. I cursed myself for being a burden on Pony. He had enough to worry about. I had to get out of there. I hated seeing Pony like that.

"See you around," I said as I went out the door.

I quickly got in the truck and sped away. I didn't want to stick around here any longer than necessary.

I'd have to get pretty stoned tonight.

**Soda's POV**

I got home a little early that night. Pony was laying on the couch studying when I came in.

"Hey, Pony. How was your day?" I hated that I hadn't gotten to see him in so long. I wished I could have brought him to school and pick him up, but I needed to make up for lost time from yesterday.

"Fine."

I sat in the arm chair and closed my eyes. It was always good to get home at a reasonable hour. I just wished Darry could get home at the same time. It wasn't the same, having all of us at different places at different times. The only times we were actually together was when we slept.

"You want to wait up for Darry tonight?" I asked Pony, hoping he'd say yes so we could be together for a while.

"Sure."

I smiled. I missed Darry. I didn't see him half as much as I should.

I got up to change into a t-shirt and out of my uniform DX shirt.

When I returned, Pony was sitting up and watching me.

"I saw Dallas today." A wave of relief washed through me. It was never good when we didn't see one of the gang for a while. I assumed he'd been jailed again.

"Oh, yeah? How was he?"

"Fine, I guess." Something was bothering Pony about it. I waited, hoping he'd tell me.

"Soda?" He said a few minutes later.

"Yeah, Pony?"

"He's still using."

I sighed. Drugs was one thing I never wanted to get mixed in. I thought Dallas knew better, too, but I guess not.

"It's okay, Pony. I'm sure he knows w hat he's doing."

Pony nodded, though I could tell it still upset him.

We waited for Darry to get home. We ate supper a little later than usual. I made something normal for once-pork chops and mashed potatoes. I couldn't think of something to do to the potatoes to make them more interesting. I had already used food coloring on them once before. I could repeat myself. That wouldn't be very creative.

When Darry got home, he looked exhausted. But when he saw Pony and I were awake, he smiled.

"Hey, guys. What are you doing up still?" He asked, sitting in his arm chair.

"Waiting for you." I answered, smiling at him. I stood, moving to the kitchen to get him something to eat.

"Hey, Pony. How are you?" He asked.

"I'm fine. How was work?"

"Exhausting. I'm glad to be home."

"I bet," I said as I set a plate of food in front of him.

He took it with a thanks and began to eat.

When he was finished, I saw him suddenly wince in pain. His hand went to his stomach and he rubbed gently.

"You okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I must have pulled something today."

I didn't believe him, because he only pulled his back muscles. Something was bothering him, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

In the mean time, the three of us sat up for several hours, just enjoying each others' company.


	6. Darry!

**Johnny's POV(as requested)**

_Dear Johnny,_

_I am grateful that I may be able to walk, but I'm still worried. What if it's a false hope? What if I never am able to walk again? What if it all turns out to be a lie? I don't want to get my hopes up just to have them shattered and make me sadder than I already am._

_Sorry. I don't mean to sound like a baby. It's just hard, you know?_

_I don't know where they'd put you once you get out, but I hope it works out. Maybe you could come live with us. I know Darry and Soda are working hard enough right now and they don't need an extra mouth to feed, but hopefully by the time you get out I'll be out of physical therapy and they won't have to work so hard. I hope so._

_It's weird to think that everyone's getting older. Soda is seventeen now. Dallas turned eighteen last month and soon Darry will be turning twenty-one. It's hard to believe that we're all growing up so much._

_I saw Dallas today. He looked okay, I guess. He didn't talk to much because I was the only one home. I think he doesn't like seeing me in a wheelchair. He puts too much blame on himself. Well, we all do._

_I hope you're okay. That's cool that your roommate is a lot like me. Hopefully he'll be more talkative than I am._

_Your friend,_

_Ponyboy_

I sighed with relief. When Pony said he hadn't seen Dallas in a while, I feared the worst. With the gang, if you don't see or hear from someone, it means they're either in jail or dead. We'd never had a death in the gang, but we all worried about it when someone was missing for a while.

Would I be able to stay at the Curtis' house? I doubted it. The state was already breathing down their necks over Pony and Soda. Hopefully, things will get better now that Soda's older. It was good that they didn't take Pony away after he got hurt.

I looked over to see Tom reading behind the desk in our room. I was thankful that we didn't have rooms like jail cells. We had a nice room with a bunk bed, a desk, two chairs, and a bathroom. We didn't have a window, but that was probably just to keep kids from trying to escape. I was thankful, though. Seeing out a window, but being able to go outside would make me feel more like a prisoner.

"Hey, Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you reading?"

"'Moby Dick,'" he answered simply.

"Oh."

Tom looked over the book at me.

"Something wrong, kid?" I knew he wasn't much older than me, but most people called me kid.

"I just hate it here. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get out of here and that scares me. Is it a good book?"

"It's okay. You shouldn't worry too much. Just take it one day at a time."

I smiled. It was good advice.

"Thanks, Tom."

"Yep."

I wondered if he even heard what I said. Pony was able to get lost in a book. When he read, he didn't know the rest of the world went on. Was Tom the same way?

I lay across my bed and stared at the bottom of the top bunk.

I felt a pang of homesickness from thinking about Pony and the gang. I liked getting letters from Pony, but it wasn't the same as actually being there with the gang. Every letter just reminded me that I still had a long way to go before I'd get out of here.

How was I going to survive this?

**Darry's POV**

I carried two bundles of roofing across my shoulders. The extra weight weighed me down heavily, but I pushed on. If I took it two at a time, maybe I could get home earlier. It was something I could strive for every day.

As I nailed the roofing in place, I felt another pain in my stomach. I tried to shake the pain away. I couldn't afford to miss a day of work, so I ignored the pain.

When I went back down the ladder, Matt, one of the guys I worked with, was looking at me closely.

"You okay, Darry? You don't look so good."

"I'm fine."

When I straightened after bending over from picking up more roofing, Matt spoke again.

"You're bleeding," he said, pointing to my mouth.

I set the roofing down and wiped my hand across my mouth. Sure enough, there was blood there.

"It's okay," I said, w acing a hand as though it was normal.

"Darry, go to the hospital. You can't get sick now and if you're hurt, you don't want to make it worse, or you'll lose more time with work."

Matt knew what to say to get me moving.

"Can you tell the boss?"

"Sure, man. Just go."

I nodded, and went down to the truck and sped away to the hospital.

"Please let it be nothing serious, but let it be serious enough that it was at least worth the trip to the hospital," I pleaded.

We couldn't afford a visit to the hospital because of a "false alarm." It had to be serious, since I was bleeding and I was always hurting around my stomach. But if it wasn't, I'd kick myself for wasting the money.

**Soda's POV**

I was almost finished for the day when the phone rang. I went to pick it up, praying it wasn't my boss asking us to stay later than usual.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"I need to speak to...Sodapop Curtis?" There was confusion in the man's voice.

"I'm Soda."

"Oh. Um, I was told to call you by your brother Darrel. He's in the hospital right now. This is Matt Collins. I work with your brother."

"Is he okay?" I asked, panic rising.

"I'm not sure. He was bleeding. He didn't look too good, so I sent him to the hospital. He called back here for a few minutes to ask me to call you. He said for you not to worry."

"Thank you, Matt. I've got to go get Pony and get to the hospital."

"Right. Tell him I said to get better soon."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye."

My hand shook as I hung up the phone. Steve came in looking at me with a raised brow.

"Everything okay?" He asked, coming up beside me and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Darry's in the hospital."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know. Can you finish up here? I got to get Pony. I've got to get to the hospital."

"Sure. Whatever you need. Go home. I'll finish up."

"Thanks, Steve." I gave him a weak smile, though I doubt it was convincing.

I ran home as fast as I could. When I came through the door, Pony was in the living room working on math.

"What's going on?" He asked when he saw me.

"Darry's in the hospital. Come on. We need to go."

"How are we going to get there?" He asked.

Damn it. I'd never thought of that. Darry had the truck.

"Wait here. I'll call Two-Bit."

I went into the kitchen and called Two-Bit. He said he'd be here in a few minutes, and I didn't doubt it.

Sure enough, three minutes later Two-Bit was outside waiting on us.

"Let's go." Pony and I headed outside and got in his car quickly.

Two-Bit sped to the hospital, just over the speed limit. He dropped us off in front of the hospital.

"Thanks, Two-Bit," I said as I helped Pony get out.

"No problem. Take care of Superman. If you need anything, I'll be back."

"Okay. Thanks."

"See you!" Two-Bit sped off once more before I barely had time to get Pony out.

We went into the hospital, and I went up to the nurses' station to get information on Darry. Apparently, he was on the second floor. It wasn't the ICU, so I breathed a little easier.

We went up the elevator and sat in the waiting room after the nurse told us we weren't allowed to go in for another hour.

This was not going to be a pleasant wait.

**Pony's POV**

I waited silently beside Soda. I felt my insides knot with fear at the thought of Darry hurting. It was strange being on the outsider worrying about Darry. Usually, it seemed that I was one Darry and Soda was worrying about. I would have taken his place in a heartbeat.

I felt sweat break out along my forehead. The stress and worry was starting to get to me. What was wrong with Darry? Was he okay? Was he dying? What if he wouldn't be able to work? What would we do?

Soda looked over at me. I quickly turned away because tears were forming in my eyes at the thought of Darry hurting.

Soda placed a hand on my shoulder and made me turn to him. When he saw the tears in my eyes, he smiled sadly.

"He's going to be okay, Pony. Stop worrying."

How could I stop worrying? Darry was in the hospital! I couldn't think of three times when Darry had gone to the hospital. He was always okay. Why wasn't he now?

"Hey. Look at me."

I looked up at Soda, instead of at the tiles on the floor.

"He'll be all right. He's Superman. Nothing can touch him remember?" Soda smiled, but I could see the fear in his eyes. He was worried too, and that scared me.

An hour later, a lifetime really, a nurse came out to take us back to see Darry.

She let us go in by ourselves. I could have cried at the sight of him. He looked whole.

"Hey, guys," He said, smiling slightly.

Despite how much I tried to fight it, I broke into tears.

Darry held his arms out for me. I pushed my wheelchair up to his bed and he pulled me on the bed with him.

"Sh. I'm okay, kiddo. I'm all right."

I hadn't realized that Soda was crying, too, until Darry's arms opened wider and Soda joined our group hug.

I was so relieved that Darry was okay, or at least he seemed to be.

"I'm so sorry, guys. I didn't mean to scare you like that," Darry said as he hugged us tighter.

After a while, Soda and I leaned back.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, scared to know the answer.

"I have an ulcer. It got pretty bad, but it's nothing too serious. They're going to keep me over night for observation, but I should be able to go home tomorrow. I just have to take some anti-acid antibiotics."

I sighed with relief. He was all right.

Darry ruffled my hair.

"I didn't mean to scare you, kiddo."

I smiled at him, trying to let him know that I was okay now that I knew he was okay.

Soda looked equally relieved, but I could tell he was still shaken.

Darry must have noticed too. He smiled at Soda, then held his arms out wide.

"I'm still here, Soda. Look at me. I'm okay." He chuckled, but when Soda didn't respond with a smile, his smile faded.

"What's the matter, Pepsi-Cola?"

Soda looked up at Darry with tears in his eyes.

"Why did you tell me you were hurting, Darry?" He asked, looking betrayed.

Darry sighed, as though he had been expecting the question.

"I'm sorry, little buddy. I know I should have told you, but I didn't want to make you worry. I was hoping it'd just go away and I could ignore it and pretend it never happened. But when I started coughing up blood, I got worried. Matt made me come here, and I'm glad I did. Now I can heal properly, and we can put this behind us. I'm sorry, little buddy. I promise I didn't mean to hurt you."

Soda nodded, though he still looked slightly upset.

"Come here," Darry said to Soda.

Soda went into Darry's open arms and Darry hugged him. Soda wrapped his arms around Darry's waist and squeezed tightly.

I prepared myself to get off t he bed and back to my wheelchair, but suddenly Soda grabbed my arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked, smiling at me.

I smiled in return, and moved into Soda and Darry's extended arms.

It was a nice change, us being together. I wish things could be like this more often.


	7. Steve

**Well, since I got quite a few questions on her, I figured now is the time to give you a moment with Rose. YAY! Everyone excited? I was planning on waiting a while, but she'll be in this chapter and a few future chapters. Oh, and Tom is NOT a Ponyboy clone, despite what RockerLane thinks. Ha. Enjoy!**

**Pony's POV**

I waited in the hallway while Darry prepared to get ready. Soda was bringing the car around and I waited to go down with Darry. He was already signed out. He was just getting changed.

I was heading out of the gift shop when I saw a familiar face.

Rose was standing at the nurses' station talking to someone. I smiled. It had been a long time since I had seen her.

As though sensing I was watching her, she turned to me. When she saw me, her face registered her surprise, but then she smiled. She turned to the lady she had been talking to and then walked over to me.

"Hey, Pony!" She said as soon as she was within hearing range.

"Hi, Rose."

She leaned down and hugged me. I hugged her back awkwardly.

"So how are you? It's been quite some time, huh? You're not sick are you?"

I shook my head. "No. My brother, Darry, was here. He has an ulcer."

"Aw. Is he okay?"

"He seems to be."

"Well, that's good."

"So what are you here for?"

"Just another check up. No big deal."

"I'm glad you're doing okay."

She took a step back and studied me a minute.

"Are _you_ doing okay?"

I blushed under her scrutiny. "I've been better."

"I'm sure you have. You did read that note I gave you, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you listen?"

I looked up at her then. She had such a direct way of talking about things. There was no beating around the bush with her and she seemed to understand everyone.

I was speechless.

Just then, Darry walked over.

"Hey, guys. Rose, I didn't know you were here. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Darry. I take it you're okay now?"

Darry smiled at her. "Yeah, but not before I gave Pony and Soda quite a scare."

He ruffled my hair affectionately.

"Well, it was good seeing you two. I'd better get going. My appointment should be starting soon."

"It was good seeing you, too, Rose. We'd better get going, too. Soda's probably waiting on us impatiently," Darry said.

"I'll see you guys around." Before she walked away, she turned back to me.

"Don't forget what I said, Pony."

I smiled. "I won't."

"I'll know if you didn't!" She called as she walked down the hallway, her back to us.

I shook my head. She was something.

"You ready?" Darry asked me.

I nodded and we went out to the parking lot where Soda was waiting on us.

**Soda's POV**

I waited for Darry and Pony to get in the truck. Pony sat by me and Darry sat on the other side of him. As soon as Darry got Pony's wheelchair in the back of the truck and got inside, I drove off.

We had to stop on the way home to get Darry's prescription. Darry went into the pharmacy and came out looking grim. I didn't need for him to tell me to know the bill was expensive.

The three of us decided to take the day off. Pony said he didn't have much going on at school. The school made a special exception for his absences anyway. He had to miss every now and then for his physical therapy sessions. His grades never suffered for his absences.

I knew Darry needed to have the day off anyway and, though reluctantly, I decided that I should take off.

We spent the day catching up. It made me sad to think that we had to actually catch up on each others' lives. We had been so close. we spent all our time together. There was never a time I didn't know what Darry and Pony were doing. But things had changed, and not for the better.

"Hey, Darry. You feeling okay?" I asked when I noticed he was looking a little pale. This made Pony look at Darry, too.

"I'm okay. I just don't like feeling so lethargic. These pills really take their toll."

"You want to go lay down for a while?"

"No. It's not everyday I get to spend time with you guys. I don't want to miss a minute of it." He reached over and patted Pony's arm and ruffled my hair playfully.

"What's with you and ruining the hair?"

He laughed and we turned back to the television.

I let my mind wander, a dangerous thing. I felt resentment rise in me once more.

I thought I could trust Darry. I thought he trusted me! He'd usually tell me everything that was going on. Why didn't he tell me he was hurting? I knew he had been keeping it from me. What had he been doing the other day when he was in the bathroom? Was he sick, bleeding, hurting so badly he couldn't stand it? I hated that he hid it from me. What happened to the trust between us, the openness? Had our time apart really affected us so much?

I felt tears of anger and frustration well in my eyes. I stood to leave.

"Everything okay?" Darry asked, looking at me in concern.

"Yes. Everything is fine."

I walked quickly from the room. I didn't want his pity or his apologies. I went into my room to lick my wounds.

**Darry's POV**

I watched Soda as he left the room. I wondered what was wrong. I had heard the frustration in his voice and I couldn't help but feel responsible for it.

I looked at Pony who shrugged, not knowing what was wrong either.

I was about to go to Soda, but then there was a knock at the door.

I quickly went to the door, wondering who it could be, since the gang all just walked in.

I opened the door and found Tim Shepherd, holding Steve Randle, who was bleeding.

"Soda!" I screamed, knowing he'd want to be there for his friend.

I opened the door wider and Tim helped Steve inside.

"What happened?" Soda asked when he came in.

"I don't know. I found him in the lot. He's hurt pretty bad," Tim answered.

Steve, barely conscious, mumbled something.

"What is it, buddy?" Soda asked after Tim laid Steve on the couch. Pony backed out of the way, into the kitchen.

"It...hurts."

"I know, buddy. We're going to take care of you, okay?"

Steve's lips moved, but no sound came out. He closed his eyes and lay weakly against the couch.

"We're got to patch that up," I said, meaning the cut on his side. I hadn't even seen the actual cut, but knew that it was bad considering it had soaked through his shirt so much.

I went into the bathroom and got out our first aid kit. I was thankful that I had just filled it recently.

I came back, wondering if I'd be able to do this.

"Soda, hold him still. I don't want him to regain consciousness and fight me."

Soda complied, holding Steve my the arms.

I lifted Steve's shirt and saw that this was going to be too much for me to do.

"It's too bad, guys. All I can do is cover it. He needs to go to the hospital. Now."

Soda looked a little pale after seeing the open, bloody wound on Steve's side. Whatever had happened, Steve was cut open deeply and he wasn't going to heal over night.

I lifted Steve and I headed for the truck. I let Soda and Pony get in first before I got in. Soda would drive so I could carry Steve easier.

"You want to come?" I asked Tim while Soda and Pony got situated.

"No. You take care of him. I'll see you around."

I nodded and then got in. I laid Steve's upper body on Pony's lap, making sure that the blood would just spill on me.

Soda sped to the hospital and we arrived in record time. I looked down at Steve's face and noticed how pale he looked. This wasn't good.

"We need a doctor over here right now!" I screamed as we came into the emergency room.

Nurses turned and, seeing that we were very serious, moved to get a bed. The wheeled it over and I laid Steve onto it. A doctor appeared and looked at Steve.

"What happened?"

"We don't know. We found him like that."

The doctor tore away Steve's shirt and inspected the wound.

"Get him back there. We'll need to stitch him. He's lost too much blood, so put him in the ICU," The doctor ordered one of the nurses.

The man turned back to us and, seeing our pale faces, gave us some encouragement.

"He's going to be all right. We'll take care of him." With that, he ran off.

I turned to face Soda and Pony. It was a good thing because just then Soda passed out into my arms.

A nurse came over to me.

"Weren't you just here?" She asked as she checked for a pulse in Soda's neck.

I smiled. "Yeah. we just can't stay away."

"Has he had any injuries lately?"

"No."

"Has he eaten recently?"

"Yes. He ate supper not two hours ago."

She nodded.

"Well, he should be okay. It's probably just fear."

"Thank you."

I carried Soda and sat down on one of the benches in the waiting room. Pony wheeled beside me, looking fearfully at Soda.

"He's okay, kiddo. He's just worried about Steve."

Pony nodded, but he didn't look like he believed me. I reached my free hand over to him and patted his shoulder.

Pony smiled at me, though it wasn't very believable, and I smiled in return.

I sat back against the chair to wait on Soda to regain consciousness.

**Steve's POV**

_I stood across the street from my house, or maybe my ex-house. I still wasn't sure. I waited to see my father come home. I'd judge by his demeanor. If he looked drunk, angry, or frustrated, I wouldn't ask if I was allowed home. If he looked pleasant enough, I'd ask._

_I was about to give up when I was shoved from behind._

_"What are you doing here, boy? Didn't I tell you never to come back?" My father's slurred voice screamed at me._

_I turned from my position on the ground. I looked up into his face, filled with rage._

_"I told you to get! Can't you hear?" He kicked me in the ribs. I cried out in pain, wrapping my arms around my ribs to protect myself._

_"Dad! Stop!" I screamed when he came at me with a busted bottle._

_I crawled backwards as fast as I could, trying to get away from him._

_"This'll teach you!" Dad came at me. I stood, about to run away, but I wasn't fast enough._

_I felt the bottle crash into my side, slicing me open. I screamed, fighting the pain._

_When I felt the bottle slide out of me, I ran as fast as my aching body would allowed._

_I headed to the lot, stumbling all the way. I made it half way across. I could see the Curtis' house. Just a few more yards and I'd be there._

_But I fell to my knees, exhausted. The blood trailed down my side. I tried to move, but fell into unconsciousness before I could._


	8. Steve's Mom

**Hey, guys! I figured I'd better update now because I'm going to be too busy to this weekend. Sad, I know. I'm going to a baseball game Saturday night and we're going to stay in the city overnight tomorrow. The ball game is a night game, so I won't be back until later. I'll try to update again Sunday. I hope this can hold you over until then. I made sure I didn't make it a cliffhanger. LOL. I'll miss you!(it's only a couple days, but still!)**

**With Steve, I'm trying to get myself to like his character to more. I see I've helped RockerLane with that already. It's my initial plan. There aren't many Steve fans out there and, honestly, I'm not one of them either. So, this is as much for your sake as for mine. I've never liked Steve. I don't know why. Also, I took some liberties by his mom's story, since they never really mention her in the book.**

**I'll try to keep from doing this day-to-day thing. I doubt all this would happen in a week or so.**

**Soda's POV**

I opened my eyes, my vision a little blurry. When my eyes focused, I found Darry looking down at me. My head was laying across his lap.

"You okay, little buddy?"

I searched my mind, trying to figure out what had happened.

"What happened?" I asked when I couldn't think of what happened.

He smiled, pushing my hair back, rather than ruffling it for once.

"You passed out, buddy. Steve has been hurt. I guess you were just shocked or something. Are you feeling okay now?"

I felt my stomach drop as I remembered seeing Steve's side. It was one of the worst wounds I'd seen. It was deep and bloody. He had obviously been stabbed with something extremely sharp.

"Soda?" Darry asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"I'm okay, Darry." I sat up and got off of Darry's lap.

Pony was watching me silently me. I looked over at him and smiled, knowing he had been worrying about me.

"I'm okay, kid," I said, hitting his shoulder affectionately.

We sat there for a few minutes, waiting on a doctor to come and tell us more.

"Do you think I should call Two-Bit?" I asked.

Darry nodded. "That'd be a good idea. He probably wants to know what's going on. I'd say call Dally, too, but who knows where he is anymore?"

"Yeah. I'll go call him. Can I have a quarter?"

Darry dug in his pocket and handed me the quarter. I took it and went to one of the pay phones.

I dialed Two-Bit's house, doubting he'd actually be there. I was surprised when he answered, his voice not slurring.

"Hello?" He barked, sounding irritated.

"Two-Bit? It's Soda. Steve's hurt."

His voice immediately changed. "What happened?"

"We're not sure. It looks pretty bad, but he should be okay."

"Where are you?"

"At the hospital."

"I'll be there in a minute."

I felt a lump in my throat. Actually voicing what happened made it hit me awfully hard.

"Soda?"

"I'm here, Two-Bit." My voice was strained, even to my own ears.

"It'll be okay, man. I'm on my way." He hung up the phone.

I shakily walked back to the waiting room. Darry and Pony were watching me, but I didn't care.

I sank down in the chair beside Darry once again. I leaned my head back, staring at the ceiling. I never understood why Pony did this. Where there answers written there that I couldn't read?

"Soda?" Darry said my name, sounding concerned.

"Two-Bit's on his way, so, knowing him, he'll be here within the next couple of minutes."

"That's good."

"Hey, Soda?" Pony's voice called to me. I finally took my head back down and looked at him.

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"Steve's going to be okay."

I smiled, knowing he was trying cheer me up.

"I know. It's just scary, you know? I'd hate to lose anyone from the gang."

We fell silent then, the thought rather sobering. What if we did lose one of the gang? I couldn't imagine us being able to function without one of them. We all had a certain role to play, so without one, it just didn't work.

I was still thinking about it when Two-Bit rushed in.

"What happened? Is he okay?" Two-Bit asked as he skidded to a halt in front of us.

"Calm down, man. He's okay as far as we know," Darry informed him.

Two-Bit sighed, then went to sit in one of the chairs across from ours.

"I was about to get wasted when you called. Sorry I sounded so mad. I don't like people interrupting Miller time." He grinned goofily. Good old Two-Bit.

"How you doing, Pony?" Two-Bit asked.

Pony looked up at Two-Bit.

"I'm okay."

Two-Bit grinned and I knew he had something to tell us.

"I heard a certain three Socs got into some trouble last night." He was nearly bursting, wanting to tell us what happened.

"What did you do?" I asked, knowing it would make a good story.

"Me? I'm pure of heart, remember?" Darry snickered, then Two-Bit continued. "Let's just say that they'll think twice before going to the movies without a car. It's not smart walking home in the dark, you know."

I grinned. He had to have had help, but I was thankful that he had done that. I had wanted to myself.

"Anyone here for Steve Randle?" The doctor from before asked. When he saw us, he recognized who we were and came forward.

"How is he?" I asked, standing.

"He's doing fine. We had to take out some glass from the wound, but he's going to be all right. We had to stitch up his side quite a lot. He's on a blood transfusion from the large amount of blood loss. He should be able to go home within the week."

I smiled with relief.

"Can we see him?" Two-Bit asked.

"Sure. He's just down the hall, room 456."

"Thank you, doctor," Darry said, extending his hand to the doctor. After they shook hands, we all went to Steve's room.

He was laying in bed, looking drowsily around the room.

"Hey, man. How are you?" I asked, stepping to the side of his bed.

"I feel like shit, man."

I chuckled. The same old Steve.

"What happened to you?" Two-Bit asked for the third time.

Something close to anger flickered in Steve's eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Darry, Two-Bit, and I exchanged glances. What happened that made him so secretive?

"Okay, buddy. Whatever you say. Did they give you anything for the pain?"

"Yeah, but it hasn't kicked in yet, unfortunately."

"Well, this'll give you an excuse to take some time off from work."

He laughed, but without humor.

"That's just what I need. Now I'll be paying these damn bills, on top of everything else."

I watched him, confused.

"What are you talking about, man?"

He sighed, looking defeated.

"It's official. I should have seen it coming all along. It didn't make it any easier, though."

"What is it?"

"My father kicked me out. For good this time."

I gasped. I should have seen it coming too. It didn't take away the surprise.

"Are you sure?" Darry asked.

Steve smiled, scaring me with the bitterness on his face. "Oh, yeah. I'm sure."

A thought occurred to me as I put the pieces together.

"Steve... did, did your dad do that to you?"

Steve looked at me and I could see the answer on his face.

"Oh, Steve, man. I am so sorry."

Steve turned his head, not meeting my gaze. I could see him fighting his emotions. It wasn't fair! I couldn't imagine what his dad did to him, but this? This was awful. I never understood because my dad had been loving and kind. What makes a father do that to his son?

"Can you leave now?" Steve asked.

I nodded.

"Sure thing, buddy. I'll come visit you tomorrow before I go to work, all right?"

"Sure." He sounded as though he really didn't care one way or the other. And that scared me.

**Steve's POV**

I sat alone in my hospital room. A nurse walked in and gave me my supper tray, though nothing on it looked too appealing to me.

Bitterness was all I could feel. How could a father act that way to his son? I know I never respected my father. I was just as hateful toward him as he was to me. But after watching him beat my mother and me for so many years, I had a right to hate my father. I was just thankful that Mom had gone long ago. Suicide wasn't a bad way out for her. If she could see me now, she'd want to kill herself all over again.

I never resented my mother for killing herself. I knew it wasn't her fault. It was Dad's. And that was just one more reason I hated him.

Even now, the words she had written to me so many years ago rang in my head.

_It's not your fault, sweetie, and don't blame your father either. This was my choice. You two had nothing to do with it. Forgive your father, Steve. He really does love you._

It was the first time my mother had lied to me, at least with my knowing. Dad never loved me. If he did, he wouldn't beat me or Mom. He would have been the kind of father Mr. Curtis had been. Why couldn't she see that? Why had she always been so blinded toward him? He's nothing but a villain, but she would never see him that way.

Dad was the reason Mom killed herself. I never blamed myself, though I felt guilty that I hadn't done enough to stop her. But at eleven, there's not much you can do about it.

I fought to see her face, but her image had long since faded from my memory. It was rather scary when you couldn't picture your own mother, hear her voice, smell her scent.

I turned over on the bed, my back to the wall. I stared out the window and into the dark night.

For the first time in years, I allowed myself to cry over my mother.


	9. Molly

**Okay, you can yell at me. I broke out of the order I'd been in and updated my Numb3rs story before this one. I'M SORRY!**

Well, the ball game was a lot of fun. It was WAY too hot, though. It got up to 95! I was miserable at first, but since it was a night game, it got better. We changed our minds and decided against staying at a hotel Friday night. I wish I had known or I would have updated then so you wouldn't have to go so long without an update! Our team won, by the way! YAY!

Enjoy!

Pony's POV 

_Dear Pony,_

_IYou shouldn't be worrying about what might go wrong. I know it'll hurt if it turns out that you can't walk, but you'll make it through. Soda and Darry are there for you and always will be. The gang will be there, too, even if they won't speak their reassurances that they'll be there. I wouldn't want to do that to you guys. I couldn't stand being such a burden to the three of you. Like you say, Soda and Darry work too hard as it is. I couldn't make them work even harder just because I don't want to leave you guys. I'll think of something._

_I'm glad you finally saw Dallas. I hated the fact that you guys hadn't heard from him in so long. I was getting worried. SIlence is a bad thing in this case. I'd hate for any of the gang to be hurt and us not know about it._

_Tom seems okay. He's even quieter than you. I think he hates this place as much as me. I don't know anyone here who likes it, though._

_Thanks for the offer of your home. I know you guys would never mind, or at least never say so, but I don't want to put that kind of pressure on you._

_Write back soon._

_Your friend,_

_Johnny_

I put Johnny's letter in my desk inside my room I shared with Soda. It's late and I should be sleeping, but I hadn't gotten around to reading it and wanted to now.

Soda was sound asleep in bed. I hated the way he'd been acting lately. Every time he came back from seeing Steve he looked a little worse. I think Steve's injuries and the fact that he'd been kicked out of his house was really bothering him. I knew he was afraid for his friend. I was too, but he was taking it harder than the rest of us.

I went to bed, climbing in beside Soda. I watched him sleep, noticing it was one time he did look peaceful.

I was almost asleep when our door opened. Darry hadn't been home for the night, so I assume it was him.

I squinted, trying to see if it was him.

" Darry?" I mumbled.

" Yeah, it's me, kiddo," He said.

Darry came into the room and over to our bed. He knelt down beside my side of the bed.

" How you doing, kid?" He asked after he sat beside my bed.

" Okay, I guess. What are you doing home so late?"

"I; stopped to get some groceries."

" Oh."

Darry looked over me to Soda. I saw him smile at his sleeping form.

" He's out, isn't he?" He asked, grinning a rare grin.

" Yeah. Darry? Is he gonna be okay?"

" What do you mean? Is he hurt?" I saw the fear in Darry's eyes. I felt bad for making it come there.

" No, no. I mean with Steve. He's been working awfully hard because they haven't had someone to fill in for Steve. And he goes to see Steve every day and when he gets back he just looks worse than the time before. I'm worried about him, Darry."

I could hear the panic in my voice. I shouldn't be so scared, but I couldn't stand seeing Soda like that.

" Sh. He's okay, kiddo." Darry soothed as he brushed my hair back from my damp forehead.

" I think he's just worrying too much. He does that a lot. I don't know who we got it from, but it's something all three of us share. Worrying is in our blood. He'll be better once Steve gets out of the hospital, which should be by tomorrow."

I sighed. I was glad that Steve would be going home. I had only visited him twice, but he was worrying me, too. Bitterness was all I could hear in his voice and I hoped he'd be able to let go of it. Maybe I didn't understand. After all, I'd never been in a situation like that, coming from a good family. But I would think that he'd be able to forgive his own father.

" Get some sleep, Pony. You've got school in the morning."

" Okay, Darry. Good night."

"Good; night, Pony," Darry said as he patted my shoulder. He stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him. I stared up at the ceiling. Worrying was in our blood. And it was because of that fact that I didn't tell Darry and Soda everything that went on in my life, in my head. It was because of that that I couldn't tell them the whole truth. Maybe that was why they didn't tell me the truth, too.

Steve's POV

I waited anxiously for Soda and Two-Bit to come pick me up. It was before our shift would start. We were getting out at the earliest moment. I wasn't looking forward to going back to work, but I knew I'd have to to help Soda. He had looked exhausted every time he came into my hospital room. I hated doing that to him. My damn father.

The police were not involved in what happened because I lied to the doctors, saying that I broke a bottle and then fell into it. I was surprised they bought it, but also relieved.

As much as I hated my father, I knew I couldn't put him behind bars. Some strange loyalty to family kept me from doing it. I knew Mom would never have approved, finding some way to make me feel guilty about it.

I was still thinking about my mother when Two-Bit and Soda walked into my room.

" Hey, Steve! Ready to go, man?" Soda asked as he came over to stand by my bed.

" Yeah, let's ditch this place," I said as I stood to my feet.

" How you feeling?" Two-Bit asked.

I looked at his face, noticing something amiss. There was no laughter in his eyes, as there usually was. It seemed weird.

" Fine. How about you?"

He shrugged. " Nothing can touch me, man." He smiled, but it never reached his eyes.

Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong if Two-Bit couldn't even smile the same way. I hoped it was nothing serious. Maybe it was just a hangover.

" Let's go," Soda suggested, so we left, since I was already signed out.

Two-Bit drove us, calmly, to the DX. Soda and I got out there and watched him drive away.

" Everything okay with him?" I asked Soda.

" You noticed that too, huh?" I nodded. " I don't know. I hope nothing's wrong. You never know with Two-Bit. He's usually joking around, but he sure wasn't today."

" Yeah. That's definitely not like him."

" Well, come on, let's get to work."

" Sure."

I followed Soda into the DX, still wondering about what was wrong with Two-Bit.

Two-Bit's POV

I headed straight home after I dropped Soda and Steve off at the DX. I needed to be home.

I walked inside the house, knowing Mom wouldn't be home. I found my little sister in her room, where she was supposed to be.

" Hey, Molly. What's up?" I asked kindly.

Her haggard look, the sunken-in cheeks haunted me.

" Nothing," She said angrily.

" Come on, Moll. Don't be like that."

She looked away from me. I knew by the trembling in her bottom lip that she was trying not to cry.

" Molly? Come on, look at me."

She turned her head to face me. Tears were in her eyes, scaring me.

" You're going to be okay. I promise you."

She shook her head, denying my statement.

" No. No, the doctors said I'd only have a few months. I'm not going to be okay, Two-Bit! You know I'm not! Don't give me something to hope for when it's not there!"

Her passionate words struck home. I had to force tears away myself. I couldn't, wouldn't let my twelve-year old sister go. Not without a fight.

" I'm going to take care of you, you hear me?"

She nodded.

When the tears finally spilled over, I reached over for her. She welcomed my embrace, her slim form trembling beneath me. " You're going to be all right. Two-Bit's here," I soothed.

Her choked sobs reached my ears, playing over and over in my head. I had to do something! What I wanted to do was go to the store, by a whole keg of beer, and drink away what's happening to my "safe;" world.

I tried to think of something I could do, but came up empty-handed. Mom was working her ass off as it was. I could try to get a job, but with my attention-span, I wouldn't be able to keep a job.

When Molly began to calm, I gently pushed her away from me.

" You want to go watch some tv?" I asked, already planning on watching Mickey Mouse.

She nodded solemnly.

She reached her arms up and placed them around my neck. I lifted her easily into my arms and carried her into the living room. I knew I shouldn't be wasting money on the electricity used in watching tv, but it kept Molly's mind off of what was happening to her, and it was worth every penny of it and more.

We sat there, watching tv. Soon, she was leaning her head on my shoulder, dozing off.

I thought to myself, this was too much for someone her age to be going through. She didn't deserve to live like this. She didn't deserve to have to die so soon, so young. It was killing me, thinking that she might not even make it to see thirteen. It can't be happening. She was hurting badly the night Steve got hurt. I had snapped at Soda, not because I was wanting to get drunk, but because I was trying to help her when he called. I couldn't stand watching her die right before my eyes and not be able to do anything about it.

I wrapped my arm around her protectively. No one was going to touch my baby sister. Not while I was around.

Anyone want to guess what's happening to her? 


	10. Life Isn't Fair

**Change! I have changed Molly's tumor from a liver tumor to a brain tumor. Julie wins! LOL.**

**Johnny's POV**

_Dear Johnny,_

_I doubt you really want to hear this, but I figured you'd be upset if I didn't tell you. Steve's been hurt. It's not serious and he'll be out of the hospital by the time you read this. He was stabbed with a broken beer bottle. But that's not the worst of it. His father was the one who stabbed him. He's kicked Steve out for good this time. It worries me because he seems bitter and angry at the world. He doesn't talk much about what happened, but you can see how angry it makes him. I hope he'll be okay. The gang's really falling apart, Johnny, and it scares me._

_Though the gang will always be here, I don't know if they'll be okay themselves. No one seems at 100 at the moment. Two-Bit seems the best, but even he seems to be hiding something from us. It seems ironic that we can all have something bad happening to us and not be able to tell each other what's wrong. We're all too stubborn and prideful, I guess. Darry seems okay, too, but he has to work so hard all the time. He had an ulcer and scared me and Soda something awful. He's okay, though. He had to get some prescription pills to help with pain and heal it and stuff, but that's about the worst of it. I'd be surprised if he's taking them when he's supposed to, which is once a day._

_I don't know what to do, Johnny. Sometimes I think that things are better, only to have something else bad happen. It's hard, but I'm trying to fight it._

_Your friend,_

_Ponyboy_

I sat back against the wall from my place on the floor. What was happening to the gang? It was like Pony said, we're falling apart.

I buried my face in my hands, fighting tears. Darry was hurting. Dallas was nonexistent. Two-Bit was hiding something. Steve was angry. Soda was exhausted. Pony was fighting depression. And I...well, I was trying to deal with the fact that my parents don't love me.

It seemed wrong that we've ended up this way. A matter of months ago we'd all be care-free. But then the impossible happened and our world fell to pieces. It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair. How could this be happening?

I looked up to the top bunk where Tom was laying. He looked like he was asleep, but I found he was awake when he spoke to me.

"Life happens," He said simply.

"What?"

"You got another letter, right? From that kid who's practically dying, just in the inside? You're wondering why these things happen. It doesn't make sense, but this is life. No one said it was going to be easy."

I started at the information he was able to pull out of the brief times I had talked to him about Pony and the letters. I wondered if he'd read them.

"So what do you do about?" I asked, as though he had all the answers.

"You just keep on living until it gets better. It will. It just might take a little longer than you'd like."

I sighed. Life was hard. No one said it was easy. Why do we even bother going through such things?

"Because." I looked up. Tom had read my thoughts once more.

"Because why?"

"Because we know those we love will be there with us to the end."

Tom turned over and soon I could hear his timed breathing. This time he really was asleep.

Was Tom right? Was it worth fighting, just because those we love will be there when it's over? I wasn't so sure.

**Darry's POV**

It was early in the morning and I had to get to work. I went into the kitchen to take my pills.

I had thought of a plan to help it. I had cut all the pills in half and decided to take them every other day. Thankfully, today was one of the days to take them.

If Soda or Pony found out, they'd be upset, but I didn't care. I couldn't afford to keep paying for medication that cost as much as it did. It wasn't worth a few hours of painlessness.

I went to the shower to clean up, though I'd just be going to a job where I'd get filthy.

Before I did, I peaked into Soda and Pony's room. Pony was sleeping at an odd angle, his body almost diagonal. Soda was curled into a ball. Though it was winter, it wasn't that could here in Oklahoma. We rarely got the worst of the cold. I wondered if Soda was cold, though.

I went into their room and felt Soda's forehead. There was no fever, so if he was cold, it was the room's temperature.

I pulled the blanket, balled up at the end of the bed, up over Soda's sleeping form. He sighed contentedly when the blanket fell over him.

I went around to Pony's side and watched him sleep. I felt the pain twist inside once more as I saw how thin he had gotten. He'd never been particularly big, but now he was way too thin. I wished I could do more to remedy that, but I was gone throughout each of his meals.

I brushed at his hair with my fingers, smiling down at him. I wish life hadn't been so hard on him.

_Dad, Mom, have I really messed things up?_

I went out of there room so I wouldn't wake them. When I got out of the shower, the sun was just coming up.

I sighed. Another day to get through. I wasn't looking forward to it. I wanted to stay home. I wanted to spend time with Pony and Soda. I wanted to make their pains go away. I wanted to make them feel better.

But what I want doesn't matter. It's what I need. And what I need to do is get to work and provide the money for them, even if I couldn't provide my company or comfort to them.

It wasn't fair. But who said life was fair?

**Two-Bit's POV**

I carried Molly into her room. I covered her up with the blanket and leaned down and kissed her forehead. I hated how sentimental I was being, but she was my sister and she deserved all the love I could give her, in such a short amount of time.

I went to bed shortly after. It was strange that I was actually in my house at night. I rarely came here before. I'd stop in for a meal here and there or spend part of the night after I'd had my fill of alcohol. Mom was never mean about what I did. She didn't order me around and I was thankful. I would have been gone years ago if she had.

I awoke in the middle of the night. Sweat poured down my face and I was shaking all over. A nightmare that seemed all too real had awoken me. It was too real because it had once happened.

_"If you hadn't noticed it within a few months, she'd be dead. She has some time, maybe four months at most. I suggest you take the most of what time you have left."_

_"What about surgery? What about treatments? Can't you do something about it?" I demanded._

_"With where the tumor is positioned in her brain, surgery has a higher chance of killing her than healing her. There is no treatment available to your sister. The tumor is too large. We can try using radiation, but I'm afraid it'll cause more pain than healing. Even if we try chemotherapy or radiation, there won't be a cure for the tumor."_

_I sank down into the chair behind me. It couldn't be possible. It didn't seem real. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. Then again, life wasn't fair. It never had been. It wasn't when Dad walked out on us. It wasn't when Johnny's parents beat him and now he was behind bars. It wasn't when the Curtis parents died in a car accident. It wasn't when Steve's dad told him to get out and never come back. It wasn't fair that Pony lost part of his leg and couldn't walk. It wasn't fair that Darry and Soda had to work so hard. It wasn't fair that Dallas blamed himself so much over what had happened that he got stoned just to take away the pain. It wasn't fair then and it isn't fair now. You learned to deal with it after a while._

That was two months ago. Would Molly die within the next two months? Though I wasn't around enough to really know my sister, I still loved her and wanted to protect her from this. I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to her, but it was an empty promise, one I couldn't keep.

She was going to die and me and my mother would never be the same.

**Dallas' POV**

I stumbled through the dark alley. I was meeting Jimmy Collins so he could hook me up with some more drugs. I hadn't had any for two whole days and I was beginning to freak.

I got to the back of the alley. It was too dark for me to see. I took out the lighter in my pocket and lit it. Jimmy wasn't there yet.

I waited in the corner, leaning against the cold brick wall.

A few minutes later, I heard Jimmy call my name.

"Dallas?" He said.

"I'm back here," I said quietly so no one would hear us. There was always a fear of getting caught, though I didn't care if I was. I was just doing it for Jimmy's sake.

He came into the light of my lighter. When we were standing face-to-face, I doused the flame.

"You bring it?" I asked.

"Yes. It's right here. You got the money?"

"No, dumb ass. I thought you'd give it to me for free," I said sarcastically but with anger too.

"All right, all right. Pay up." I stuck the money in his hand, holding out the other. He placed the bag of drugs in my hand as he took the money.

"What's going on back here?" A deep voice asked and then I light was shined on us.

Panicking, I bolted. Jimmy had already tried to make a run for it.

"Stop or I'll shoot!"

_Go ahead. It'll make me fell a lot better._ I thought as I continued to run.

Something hit me hard from behind and I fell down, unconscious before I even hit the ground.


	11. Dallas is Okay

**Sorry it's taken a while.**

**Note: I was unable to find an exact answer for how long Dallas would be imprisoned for buying drugs illegally. So, I have taken the liberty of choosing a sentence for him out of what little knowledge I have. Should anyone know how long he should be, let me know and I'll change it. So, for now, don't quote me on how long. I did try to find it, but failed. Also, I am planning on changing Molly's illness. I don't know what to yet. You'll know by the next chapter. I'll let you know when I change the last chapter, too.**

**Leigha and Anna, I hope the description is better in this chapter. I worked a lot on this chapter and hope it shows.**

**Dallas' POV**

I awoke to a familiar sight. The gray walls of a jail cell, cement walls, greeted me when I opened my eyes. The metal bars seemed like a friend I hadn't visited in a while. I was used to this sort of thing happening, but I didn't remember how I ended up here this time, or what I had done.

I rubbed the back of my neck. It ached from the awkward position I had slept in and the uncomfortable cot in the jail cell.

I sat up and looked around. The cold room seemed the same, bare except for a toilet in the corner, a sink with a bar of soap, and the cot I was laying on. The rough polyester blanket was uncomfortable to lay on, the pillow flat and pointless to use. I might as well go with out, considering it was about as flat as a piece of paper.

I leaned against the cold concrete wall behind me. I could see someone in the cell across from mine, looking vaguely familiar. I blinked a few times, trying to clear my foggy vision, and soon I was able to recognize the man as Jimmy Collins.

_Shit._ I remembered what had happened. We had been caught. Jimmy was selling me drugs when a cop must have come and seen us. I had run, though there wasn't much point, and they must have caught me. I remember getting hit by something sharp and then everything turned black. What had they done to me?

I got up and walked the few steps to the bars. I grabbed hold of them, looking like the true prisoner.

"Jimmy!" I said in a loud whisper.

Jimmy, sitting in the corner of his cell, looked up. He looked scared to death. I assumed he hadn't been in jail before, or at least not much.

He stood shakily and came to the bars on his cell.

"Hey, Dallas," He said quietly.

"What happened to me, man?"

"They shot you. It was a tranquilizer gun. You're lucky they didn't just shoot you with a real gun. It scared me because I thought they'd killed you."

I snorted. What difference would that have made?

"How long are we in for?"

"The cops said we're looking up to three years, longer for me because I had more drugs on me. I was supposed to meet someone else, but since we got caught..." He shuddered.

I knew what it felt like to be in a jail cell for the first time. It wasn't easy. I got used to it pretty quickly, though.

"Just what I need. This'll get me sobered up pretty quick, huh?" I said sarcastically. I didn't want to think about being in here for up to three years. I'd be comfortable enough, but I wanted to be out. I was danger when caged up, more so than usual I suppose.

Jimmy turned and went back to his cot. He lay down, covering himself with the blanket. I watched him shiver, then close his eyes tightly to try to get some sleep.

I sighed. I supposed I was in for quite the stay. Might as well get comfortable, too.

**Steve's POV**

I pounded my fist on the counter at the DX. I had been searching for the key to the cash register for fifteen minutes without any luck. My head was pounding with a migraine and my frustration with the key was only making it worse.

Soda came in, grease on his hands and smudges of it on his shirt.

"Hey, man. Any luck?" He asked cheerfully as he sat at the counter in front of me.

"No," I growled. I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice. Things just weren't going my way lately.

I hadn't seen my father since he had stabbed me. It didn't bother me. The old drunk could die for all I cared. I had been staying at three different places: Two-Bit's house, the Curtis' house, and Buck's. I tried to stay out of Two-Bit's house as much as I could. Something was definitely going on in their house that I didn't know about. His little sister Molly was awfully angry all the time. I had asked her to pass the salt one night when I stayed for dinner and she told me to go to hell. I tried to keep from talking to her after that.

Soda was watching me as I let my thoughts wander. I shook myself, trying to bring myself back to the reality at hand.

"You want to look for it?" I asked him.

"Sure, buddy."

Soda got up and looked for it while I left and went out to work on the black mustang. It just needed a basic tire change, something I could do in my sleep. I hadn't even gotten the flat tire off when Soda came out.

"Tell me you didn't find it," I said when I could see him trying to hold in a laugh.

"Okay. I didn't find it."

I glared at him and his laugh escaped.

"Where was it then?" I asked.

"Hanging on the key chain by the coat racks in the back, where it always is."

He laughed at me when I cussed under my breath at him. Soda was a wise ass, but he was my best friend. I was happy that he was able to find some happiness in the situation. He deserved some happiness after all.

"Hand me the new tire and shut up," I ordered.

**Darry's POV**

I got home earlier than usual that night. Soda and Pony were watching tv when I came through the front door.

"Hey, Darry. What are you doing home so early?" Soda asked when I came in.

"I was able to finish up early. What are you guys watching?"

"Oh, just some Perry Mason. I don't get what Pony sees in that show."

Soda rolled his eyes. Pony didn't look like he had even heard us.

"Hey, Pony. How are you doing?" I asked as I sat down in the arm chair. I smiled as I saw his hair, blonde at the tips where the bleached-blonde hair still lingered. We tried to keep from teasing him about it. It didn't look that bad.

"Fine," He said absently.

I looked over at Soda who started making fun of him by leaning forward in his chair and resting his chin in his hands as he stared at the tv.

Pony finally noticed what he was doing and shoved Soda hard in the shoulder.

"Wh-what?" Soda said in a daze.

Pony grinned at his antics. I was happy to see a smile on his face. It seemed we never had enough of them lately.

"Shut up," Pony said teasingly.

Soda reached over and gave Pony a noogie, which he fought to get out of. His hair was messy afterwards, pointing in several different directions.

"Cool hair," I commented, though I didn't really want to get caught in the crossfire between those two.

"If you two are going to be like that, I'm going to bed," Pony threatened, though I could tell he wasn't really offended.

"We're just teasing, Pony. Lighten up." Soda pushed him back against the couch with his arm so Pony couldn't leave.

"Fine, I'll stay. But lay off, you hear?"

Soda and I looked at each other and grinned.

We sat there, watching tv for a couple of hours before we decided to go to bed. I was thankful that we had had more time together. Pony had another appointment with the physical therapist coming up, which I'd have to take him to. That would give us sometime, but it wasn't the same as all of us being together.

I went to my room, switching on the light as I came through the doorway. I looked to my dresser, which had clothes hanging out of it. I went there to grab a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to change into for bed. I should have taken a shower, but I was too tired to.

I was asleep as soon as I got into bed. My muscles ached, as well as my stomach. Today wasn't one of the days to take medicine and I was hurting because of it.

I wasn't asleep that long when I heard a loud thud and then some screams.

I jumped out of bed, nearly running into the door frame in my hurry.

I went into Pony and Soda's room and found Pony laying on the floor, thrashing about. Soda looked frightened as he sat beside him trying to wake him up.

"He fell out of bed!" Soda cried when he saw me standing there.

I had already found that out on my own, but I didn't bother telling Soda that. I got down on the floor beside them and shook Pony by the shoulders.

"Pony! Come on, kiddo, wake up!" I said loudly.

Pony hit me a few times in the chest as he wriggled out of my grasp. I let go of his shoulders.

I could see a bright red mark on the side of his face. He must have landed funny.

Pony suddenly gasped, sounding as though he was choking. He reached down and grabbed at his left leg, the one that had been partially amputated.

He screamed after he tried to grab it.

"Pony!" I shouted in his face as I brought him up to me.

Pony's eyes shot open. He searched the room, as though expecting someone to be there who wasn't. He looked down at his leg and leaned back against the hard wood floor.

He closed his eyes and soon tears began to spill from his closed lids. Soda and I looked at each other, both frightened by what was going on. I hoped he was okay.

"Pony? Are you all right?" I asked.

He turned on his side with some difficulty. He began to sob hard, chokingly. I reached down and scooped him up off the floor. I stood and went to their bed to sit down. Soda joined us.

Pony grabbed a fistful of the front of my shirt and pulled himself up closer to me. He buried his face in the hollow of my neck and he cried, gut-wrenching sobs that sounded so heartbroken I felt my own eyes fill with tears.

What had brought all of this on?


	12. I'm Not Strong Enough

**Note: I did change Molly's illness two chapters ago. It is a brain tumor, not a liver tumor. Check it out, if you want. It's only changed slightly during Two-Bit's nightmare.**

**Soda's POV**

Pony clutched to Darry like he was his only lifesaver in the middle of the ocean. I watched with fear as Pony sobbed. His chest heaved with every cry. He sounded so saddened. I had never heard cries like that. His cries were worse sounding than when we had lost our parents.

Pony pulled at Darry's black muscle shirt so that Darry's neck showed, down to his chest where a light tuft of hair began. Darry just held Pony, seeming not to know what else he could do. I was scared. He'd never acted this way. I thought things were getting better.

Pony was quiet. Hell, he was always quiet. I never thought anything of it. He didn't talk much anymore, not even to me. It bothered me when he wouldn't talk to me when I knew something was wrong. Was this him letting out all he's kept inside?

Darry and I locked eyes. We both didn't know what to do. Pony was shaking and thrashing in Darry's arms, seizure-like. Darry tightened his grip and the thrashing was contained for a while. I wished he wouldn't be like this. I wished he'd be happier. What have Darry and I done wrong?

Soon Pony's cries turned into full-out howls. Darry tried to muffle the sounds by pressing Pony's face into his neck once more. They were still loud to my ears. Much too loud. Each cry cut me inside until I couldn't stand it.

I stood up and ran from the room. I could feel Darry's eyes on my back. I didn't care. I couldn't take this! I was helpless to him. I couldn't save him, couldn't protect him. What good was I to him?

I went into the bathroom where I was quietly sick for a few minutes. My stomach heaved. I could feel my pulse throbbing at the side of my head. I should go back to our room and help Darry. But what could I do?

I went out to the living room. I could still hear Pony scream. I covered my ears and rocked back and forth, the tears spilling down my face without my knowing. I couldn't stand this! It was too much. Too much.

Darry suddenly rushed through the door to our room. He looked briefly at me and I could see concern written in his eyes. But he quickly turned back and went in to the kitchen. I heard something rattling around. Then he came running back with a paper bag in his hands.

I heard Darry ordering Pony to breathe. A few loud gasps later, Pony seemed to calm.

I tentatively returned to our room. I saw Darry on the bed with Pony, rubbing circles on Pony's back. Pony lay face-down. He whimpered continuously. I saw how the sweat had dampened his back and into his shirt. There was a darker ring around his neck and along his lower back. It was plain to see against his gray t-shirt.

Darry spoke in a low voice, as though he was calming a spooked horse. In ways, Pony was like that. It made sense that Darry would talk that way to him, though Darry hadn't been around horses much.

Pony reached out and grabbed a fistful of the sheets. He opened and closed his fists methodically. Every time he closed his hand around the sheets he squeezed until his knuckles were white. Then he'd release.

Within minutes, his hand motions slowed until they eventually stopped. It was then that I chose to walk forward, to return to the bed beside Pony.

Darry watched me, taking his gaze off Pony. I didn't mean to leave, to chicken out. I'm sure Darry felt the same way, but he was stronger. He was able to stay. It was what made us different. Darry could get through anything. He was tougher, stronger-willed than me. I envied his courage.

"Are you all right, little buddy?" He asked.

I shook my head no. I let my guard down and I began to cry. I hated doing this to Darry. He already had to deal with one crying brother. That was hard to handle, too. But, here I was, crying.

Darry took hold of my shoulders and brought me to his room. I supposed it was so we wouldn't bother Pony. That's the last thing I'd want to do. I had already deserted him when he needed me. Why do I always mess up?

We sat down on his bed. He hugged me close and I cried into his shirt, already damp from Pony's tears. He'd have to change before he went back to sleep, if he ever got around to it.

"I'm...s-sorry," I stammered through broken sobs.

"Sh. You didn't do anything wrong." Darry rocked me back and forth and I began to calm.

"What was that all about?" He asked once my tears were spent.

"I'm sorry. I didn't m-mean to leave you alone with him. It was just so, so hard hearing him like that." I shuddered as one of Pony's howls screamed through my head.

"It's okay. It was hard on me, too. I don't know what's wrong. It scared me, though."

"I know. I don't know what was wrong. One minute I was asleep in bed, the next I heard this loud bang and I look over and Pony's on the floor. I don't know w hat happened."

"Those screams are going to haunt me for some time," Darry said thoughtfully.

I nodded in agreement.

"I think I'm going to take part of the day off tomorrow. I'll go in early and then try to come home around noon," Darry said.

"That's a good idea. Maybe I'll take off the morning and go in after you get home."

"He's not going to school like that."

"No. I wouldn't think of him going."

We sat there in silence, both lost in thought. I was glad Darry was taking part of the day off and not all of it. We couldn't afford that. As much as he deserved a full day off, we just couldn't risk that. It was hard enough to make payments while working full time. I knew someone would have to be with Pony and I didn't want to make one of the gang stay with him, incase he had another episode. They weren't good with stuff like that.

"You'd better get back to bed," Darry said as he got up and went to his dresser.

I got up to leave as he pulled out a plain white cotton t-shirt. He took off his black one, then put on the white.

When I got back to the door, I turned.

"Sorry about your shirt," I said, smiling.

"Get to sleep, goof," Darry laughed.

I went to bed and found Pony in the same position he had been in. I sat down on the bed, the springs creaking beneath the mattress. I rolled onto my side and stretched my arm across Pony's back. He made a whimpering sound and I rubbed his back. The sound died off and he began to sleep peacefully once more.

For which I was very thankful.

**Two-Bit's POV**

It was hard to believe this had all happened over something so simple. Well, it wasn't simple. It was abnormal, but we never thought it would be something this serious.

Molly had had these weird episodes where she shook uncontrollably. It reminded me of a seizure. When I was in the sixth grade, one of the girls in my class had had one right in the middle of math. It scared me at the time. Seeing it happened to Molly made it worse.

Mom and I took her to the doctor. She needed the transportation, otherwise I wouldn't have gone. The doctors ran some tests and a few days later we came back to hear the results.

There was a large tumor taking up most of Molly's brain. The doctor said that was what caused the seizure-like symptom. He also had mentioned mood changes. I hadn't realized it had changed, but Mom agreed she had been acting a little odd lately.

The doctor said the tumor hadn't affected her or given her any symptoms for a long time because it was asymtomatic. It had only brought on the symptoms then because it had grown to such a large size.

In her case, she would have had several more months had it been detected earlier, though there still was not a high survival rate. With her age and the position of the tumor, she only had three or so months to live. It was the news that would affect our family forever and would change my life.

The doctor gave her drugs that would control the seizures. She wouldn't feel much, though there would be many changes due to how the brain would be affected by the tumor. The doctor figured that she would live a few more months, slip into a coma, and eventually die.

At twelve, she was supposed to be a happy, normal girl. She was supposed to have decades of life before her, not a matter of months. It wasn't fair. She did not deserve to go through this. She knew what to expect. She knew what was going to happen. The doctor said not to take certain things she said to heart, that her anger wasn't her. I knew different.

Molly hadn't accepted her fate. It was her way of sulking in bitterness. She didn't want to accept it, couldn't or wouldn't. I wasn't sure. One thing I knew, though, this was the real Molly. It wasn't some strange way the tumor was changing her brain. No, it was the bitterness of a broken-hearted little girl who was going to die. And I, as her big brother, felt compelled to save her. But there was nothing I could do.

I went into Molly's room. She hugged a pillow to her chest and stared at one of her old doll houses. She was to old for it now, but it was still in there, mocking her. She would not have time to play like that. She would not grow old and pass it on to her daughters or her granddaughters. It was final. She would die young, barely having time to live a life at all.

I sat down on the bed beside her. She didn't take any notice in me. I placed my hand on her forearm, trying to comfort her.

"What can I do, Molly? What can I do to make you better?" I asked her.

She looked up at me then. Her eyes held her grief, her tiredness. She was sick of going on, ready to give in. I could tell and it scared me.

"There's nothing you can do now, Two-Bit. You promised me I'd be all right, that you'd take care of me. But there's nothing left. All I have left to do is die." She turned on her side once more and stared off into the distance, her own little world.

"Molly... please, don't talk like that."

"Like what? Like I'm about to die? Like there's nothing that anyone can do except sit back and wait for me to die? There's nothing, Two-Bit! I thought you'd realized that by now! Stop living in your own little fantasy world and come back down to earth! I'm going to die and there's nothing you or anybody else can do about it!" She screamed as tears flooded down her face. I could feel tears in my own eyes, but I forced them away. Greasers don't cry.

"I'm not ready, Molly," I said as I took her in my arms. "I'm not ready to let you go. I can't. I've barely gotten to know you and now it's almost too late. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I didn't mean to walk out on you like Dad did to us. I didn't mean to." I was near tears, but I fought them with all my strength. If she saw me break, she'd know how scared I am. I couldn't have her know I'm scared when she's already frightened enough for the both of us.

She wrapped her thin arms around me and squeezed tightly.

"You didn't abandon me, Two-Bit. You've been the perfect brother. You've never gotten on my nerves or picked on me, at least." She was attempting to find something humorous, to cheer me up. That fact alone gave me hope that she wasn't that far gone, that she wasn't so wrapped in her grief that she couldn't find something funny.

I chuckled, but it wasn't too convincing, even to me.

"I didn't mean to be gone so much."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not."

"Fine, it's not. Two-Bit, you're fine the way you are. Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?" I asked, looking down into her eyes as she tilted her head up to look at me.

"Don't go get drunk and leave Mom alone when I die. She'll need to have someone to take care of. She already feels like she's a failure since Dad left. I don't remember it because I was so young, but I doubt she had anything to do with it."

I felt a fire burn inside my chest. Dad made Mom feel guilty about what had happened? She didn't deserve that. He had been a stupid drunk who didn't give a damn about his family. Mom had done all she could. She didn't need to feel guilty. I hadn't known she felt that way, but now that I did, I planned to do something about it.

"I promise," I said, though Molly had already fallen to sleep in my arms.

I kissed the top of her head, a sign of affection I rarely used. _If the gang could see me now..._ I thought to myself with a sad smile.

If the gang could see me now, they wouldn't know what to say. No one does.

**Whose POVs do you guys want in the next chapter?**


	13. Dead Eyes

**Thank you all for your kind messages and for your patience. I am feeling better now, though still saddened. I would have updated yesterday, or at least sooner, but I got overheated yesterday and was sick to my stomach. We don't have air conditioning back here in the computer room, just a bunch of fans and they weren't doing very good. I couldn't fit everyone's choice of POVs in so it's just going to be the Curtis brothers today. Next time, I'll fit the rest of the gang. Deal?**

**Soda's POV**

I sat up on the bed, watching Pony as he slept. His brows were furrowed together, as though he were in pain or in deep concentration. I didn't know which, though I suspected pain. I didn't understand how, though. Nothing that I knew of had happened to him. I couldn't understand what had brought on last night's episode.

I had heard Darry leave early this morning, earlier than usual. He had tried to keep quiet, I could tell, but I was already awake when he left at four o'clock this morning. I hadn't gotten much sleep because I was so worried about Pony. He didn't stir the rest of the night, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Once again, I wished my parents were still alive. They'd know what to do. They'd fix this. If only they really were alive...

Pony whimpered and I turned my attention back to him. I couldn't see anything wrong, so I just rubbed his back. The whimpering stopped and I returned to my thoughts.

Pony was always quiet. What could be bothering him? Is his silence something I should fear? Will he snap out of this on his own? Does he need help?

The scary thing was I didn't know the answer to any of these things. What do I do? How can I help him?

Again, I had no answers.

**Pony's POV**

Soda told me to go back to sleep when I awoke for school this morning. I was thankful that he was letting me stay home. I was afraid I'd have another breakdown if I went to school.

I didn't think much about Soda still being home, so I was surprised to find him still there when I awoke at ten o'clock. He was sitting up in bed, staring at the wall ahead of him. His hazel eyes seemed like windows to his mind. He was so lost in thought that he didn't realize I was awake. I startled him when I sat up.

"Pony! You're awake. Gosh, I didn't even hear you," Soda said after he regained his composure.

I just nodded. I rubbed my side. It seemed to ache for a reason I didn't know. I remembered lying on the floor last night when Darry lifted me up and sat on the bed with me. Had I fallen out of bed?

Soda was watching me closely again. I turned my back to him and reached for my wheelchair. It was getting easier and easier to get in and out of it. It wasn't very far away, as usual. No one ever moved it except me and I always kept it close to me.

In one swift motion, I was in my wheelchair. Soda got out of bed and walked around the bed to where I was.

"You want some breakfast?" He asked. I was thankful that he wasn't asking me about last night. I wasn't sure I could explain it to him in a way he'd understand.

It was all brought on by the nightmare. It was unlike any other I had had before and this time I remembered it. It w as as though someone knew all my fears and all my pains and was able to touch on each one. I was surrounded by four figures. I couldn't make out their faces, but their voices reached my ears. They taunted me, saying how I'd never walk again. I was left alone in the dirt as they ran ahead of me. I longed to be able to run with them, to feel the rising pulse within me. I longed to be able to run until my legs couldn't hold me any longer. But that wouldn't happen. I only had one leg and it was dead.

I shook my head no to Soda and wheeled myself out into the living room. I had left some of my school books there and knew I'd have to start working on my English paper soon. It was due in two days. My teachers were lenient with me, though. If I ever turned something in late, they'd take it and grade it without taking any points off for tardiness. It was nice that they were so understanding, but I hated the special treatment. So I tried to turn everything in on time. I was usually good about it because I liked burying myself in work to the point I forgot everything else.

I also needed to write to Johnny. He was probably wondering why I hadn't written, or maybe worrying about it. I usually replied to him the same day. It's been three days since I wrote to him last. I should be writing him, but I didn't have the heart to do it. What would I say? That I'm so depressed that I'm scaring my brothers?

I felt tears come to my eyes. It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair anymore.

My thoughts turned back to my nightmare. I felt a shudder pass through me as I thought of one of the worst parts of the dream. Two of the blurry figures held up a picture. It was the only picture of my parents that we owned. It was important to me because at times I'd forget what they looked at and I'd have to take it out and look at it. They held it up so I could see then it went up in flames as they lit a match to it. I remember screaming in the nightmare. I wondered if Soda and Darry heard.

I then watched as Soda and Darry's faces appeared. They looked down at me with sad looks on their faces. Following the picture, they went up in flames right before my eyes. I knew I screamed loudly that time because I knew they were dead.

I remember trying to get to them, but I was too slow. I didn't have my wheelchair and crawling was hard with the dead weight of my leg. I couldn't get to them. I couldn't save them.

"Pony? Why are you crying?"

I looked up at Soda, thinking he was crazy. I lifted a hand to my face and found it wet with tears.

"I'll be in my room," I said hoarsely. I wheeled myself as fast as I could out of the living room and into my room. I felt Soda's eyes on me the whole time, but I couldn't look at him. I couldn't explain the pain I was dealing with, couldn't place that burden upon him. He had enough to worry about.

I threw myself onto the bed and made myself fall asleep. Maybe then I could forget and escape my pain.

**Soda's POV**

I watched as Pony wheeled himself quickly out of the room. I didn't know what had brought on those tears. He had just sat there, staring ahead, lost in thought. Then he began to cry without even knowing it. It worried me.

As planned, Darry showed up at noon. He smiled at me when he came through the door, though I could see he was worried that Pony had gotten worse.

When he set down his tool belt, he came around the couch and sat in his arm chair, facing me on the couch.

"How is he?" He asked, sounding worried.

"I don't know. He started crying a couple hours ago, but I don't know why. When I asked him about it, he just went to h is room. I checked on him a little while ago and he was sleeping. He hasn't eaten anything all day."

Darry nodded. I could tell he was thinking. I left him with his thoughts when I went to check on Pony and say goodbye before I left.

Pony was still laying on the bed asleep when I went into our room. He was clutching one of the pillows to his chest tightly, despite the fact that he was asleep. I kneeled down beside his bed and watched him sleep. I brushed his hair back from his sweaty forehead. He didn't have a fever, but he had the appearance of someone who was ill. I patted his arm as I got up.

"Bye, Pony," I said, then turned and left.

Darry was in the hallway, preparing to go into our room when I came out.

"Is he asleep?" He asked.

"Yes. I better get going."

"Okay, little buddy. Have a good day."

"Okay."

I opened the door and headed toward the DX.

**Pony's POV**

I awoke with the sudden urge to throw up. I lunged for my wheelchair, getting in clumsily because of the speed and lack of care. I wheeled myself as fast as I could to the bathroom, not even noticing Darry sitting in the living room reading the paper.

I flung myself out of my chair when I got in the bathroom so I could reach the toilet better. I placed one hand on each side of the toilet and emptied my stomach.

Darry rushed in as I was finishing. I laid my head on the cold edge of the bathtub. He sank down beside me, brushing my hair back as he looked into my eyes.

"What's wrong, Pony?" He asked me. I had no answer for him.

"Are you okay?" He asked once I sat back.

I nodded, though I didn't feel all right.

"Do you need anything?" Darry asked.

I shook my head no and he got up.

"Let me know if you do, you hear?" His voice was stern, but I knew it was out of concern.

I nodded and he left the bathroom.

I pulled myself into my wheelchair, which had moved farther away from me from the push off I gave it when I threw myself out of it. I reached over and flushed the toilet, keeping my eyes off the contents of my stomach.

I wheeled myself closer to the door. Before I opened it, I studied myself in the mirror on the door. It was the only one I could see my full body out of. All the others were too high up.

I looked at my eyes. They were the most striking to me, but not because they had a nice color to them. No, it was because they looked dead.

Redness rimmed the white part of my eyes from where I had cried so much. But even looking at the colored portions, there was no light, no life to them. I forced a smile on my face. It felt fake, as it was, and it brought nothing to my face. No happiness. No light in my eyes. No life.

It was strange that I could have such lifeless eyes. I used to have such open eyes that people could always tell what I was thinking.

It was different now. I had nothing but sad, dead, eyes that were so lifeless not even a smile could bring light to them.

**Darry's POV**

I sat in the arm chair, holding the paper in front of me. It didn't hold my attention, though. I kept watching the bathroom door. Pony said he was okay, but no one threw up for no reason. I doubted he had much to empty anyway. Soda said he hadn't eaten anything.

A few minutes later, Pony emerged from the bathroom. I watched as he went straight to his room. I stood. He needed to eat something, especially now that he didn't have anything in his stomach.

"Pony?" I called softly when I made it to the doorway of his room. He was already lying on the bed.

He turned his gaze from the ceiling to my face. The lifelessness in his eyes shocked me. I hated to think that he had given up. But that's what his eyes told me. They told me he didn't care anymore. He was giving up. I had to do something.

"Pony? Come on, buddy, talk to me. What's going on?"

I moved into the room and sat down on the bed beside him. He looked up at me, his gaze giving away none of his thoughts.

"I won't tell you," Pony said, turning back to the ceiling.

"Can't or won't?"

"Won't."

I sighed. If he was going to play stubborn, fine. I could be pretty damn stubborn myself.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me something."

"Then be prepared for a long stay."

Pony turned on his side, his back to me. I watched him lay like that for a long time until I could tell he was sleeping.

I sighed. "Fine. Have it your way," I said to his sleeping form.

Before I could leave, though, he reached out and grabbed my wrist, startling me.

"What is it, Ponyboy?"

He turned to me, looking at me. There was more to his eyes, but it was such a deep sorrow that I felt emotions well inside my chest.

"Stay. Please, Darry. I don't want to be alone," He said, his voice shaking with emotion.

"Okay."

I went back to my side of the bed and laid down beside him. He moved closer to me, reaching out and hugging my arm. He fell asleep like that and I noticed how my arm was beginning to fall asleep soon after. I didn't care. I'd do anything for Pony at this point.

**Sadly, part of that was what I went through the other day. The mirror part was all me. The writing to Johnny was how I felt about writing to my friends and the writing the paper part showed how I knew I needed to write soon, but that you'd all forgive me if I didn't. Thank you all again for your support. You're the best.**

**Hugs to you all!**


	14. The Gang

**Well, as planned, here are the rest of the gangs' POVs. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Johnny's POV**

I was pleased to finally receive a letter from Pony. It had made me worry when I didn't get a response from him. I played different scenarios in my head of what could have happened. I wouldn't tell Ponyboy that, though.

I opened the letter, my only contact with the outside world. I had asked Pony to see if any of the gang would write me, but they'd just deliver their one-line messages through Pony's letters. It was disappointing, but expected.

_Dear Johnny,_

_I'm having a nervous breakdown. Soda and Darry don't know what to do with me. They let me stay home, they watch me 24/7, but it doesn't make a difference. I can't seem to get a hold of my life. I can't take it! Things are supposed to be getting better, maybe they will, but it's taking too long. I need something, some good in my life to cancel out the bad. But it's not happening, Johnny! It's not happening!_

_I'm sorry. You must think me to be the most ungrateful person you know. I'm alive. I have brothers who love me. I have the gang. I have a roof over my head. I should be happy, right? Well, I'm not._

_I just need to rant for a while. If I told Soda and Darry this, they'd only worry more. I can't stand to let that happen. I won't. I'll do whatever I can to keep them from finding out what I'm thinking. I will not break. I refuse!_

_I hope you're okay, Johnny. I know you're having it awfully rough. Only a little less than eight months and you're free!_

_Your buddy,_

_Pony_

I was surprised by the sorrow in his words. Pony was usually the optimist. I never expected this, though I probably should have. He hasn't been himself lately. I should have known something like this would happen. I just hoped that Darry and Soda would be able to bring him out of it. They were the best brothers I knew of. They'd handle things. And if they weren't able to, I'd do a little intervening myself.

Tom was sleeping fitfully in the top bunk. I could tell by the way the mattress creaked so often.

"Tom?" I called up.

He calmed suddenly. I got up from my place at the lower bunk. I walked around the room until I could get a better view of the top bunk. I was surprised by what I found.

Tom's side was bleeding heavily, spilling out onto the comforter that covered his bed. I then looked to his hands. His right hand clutched a knife, a knife covered in blood, reminding me of a certain switchblade that had been covered with crimson blood up to the hilt.

"Where'd you get that?" I demanded, seeing that he was still conscious. He was slipping fast, though.

I rushed to the door, where there was an opening if we needed anything.

"Help! Someone help!"

Two of the workers came running fast. They unlocked the door and rushed inside. I pointed to Tom and they got him down fast.

"He's losing too much blood!"

"How long has he been like this?"

"How'd he get a knife in here?"

"We have to get him to the hospital!"

"He'll never make it!"

Their words reached my ears, haunting me. I sank into the the desk chair. As more workers came in, I pushed myself as far out of the way as possible. Even with the large mass of people, Tom still was able to catch my eye. He smiled at me.

What was that all about?

Tom was carried out on a stretcher ten minutes later when an ambulance arrived. I was surprised he had lasted that long. Would he survive much longer?

**Steve's POV**

I was changing the tires on one of the cars when the car pulled up. I recognized it immediately. I saw Soda get up to help the latest customer, but I called him over before he could.

"What's up?" He asked, looking back at the customer.

"I'll handle this one. Go inside."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it!"

"Okay, okay."

Soda looked worriedly behind his shoulder before entering the DX.

I wiped my hands on my jeans, smudging them with grease. It wasn't any different than usual. They were already stained with oil from earlier in the day.

"What do you want?" I asked when I stood in front of our latest customer.

"Steven, I'm... I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what your mother would think of me now-" I cut him off.

"Mom would worship you, just like she always has. What are you doing here?"

He took off his black Stetson, the one Mom had bought him. I hadn't seen him wear it in a long time, not that I had seen that much of him before. When I did go home, he was usually out getting drunk, unless it was early enough in the day that he was at work. He worked at the factory down town. I rarely saw him during the day. When he was off work, he'd head to one of the bars and spend what money he'd made.

"I-I know I've messed up a lot and I want to make things right. Come home, son."

"No, Dad." I glared at him.

"Come on, now. You know I didn't mean it. I just... I get so upset when I drink too much. It's nothing personal."

I snorted. "Nothing personal? You coming at me with a broken bottle is nothing personal? Sure."

I turned and walked back toward the car.

"Steven! Come back. Let's talk this out!"

I whipped around.

"What's there to talk about? You kicked me out! You tried to kill me and almost succeeded. What do I have to talk to you about? I'm done trying to live with you!"

"Please. Think about what your mother would have wanted," He said in a quiet voice.

"Mom's dead! You drove her to suicide! What Mom would have wanted doesn't matter anymore. Don't pretend it does!"

"Please."

"No. Go home, Dad," I growled.

I marched away from him and back to the car I had been working on. Soda was looking out the window when I turned back and he tried to pretend he hadn't been watching when I caught him staring.

I heard Dad's car as he drove away. I had my backed turned to him, so I didn't actually see it. Sodapop came out soon after.

"You okay, buddy?" He asked.

"I'm fine," I snapped.

"Okay," Soda replied quietly, tending to the rest of the work.

When I fixed the tire, I stood. I walked into the DX and into the back room. I needed to hit something. I found an old, empty jug of milk and kicked it.

"Damn it!" I screamed, kicking it again. When that didn't satisfy me, I kicked over the only chair in the room, nearly breaking it.

I sank to the floor, panting heavily. I rested my forehead on my arms, waiting for my temper to cool before going back outside.

**Two-Bit's POV**

Molly took a turn for the worse yesterday. I drove the three of us to the hospital. Molly was taken in, barely conscious of what was going on. Her seizures began when she was laid on a stretcher. I watched helplessly as she was taken back. The medication wasn't working, I thought to myself.

The doctor had come out an hour later, telling us the devastating news. She was starting to fade away. She'd slip into a coma soon and later die. He told us to make the best of the time we had with her, when she was still conscious.

That was when I took off. Now I sit alone outside one of the grocery stores, doctoring a bottle of beer, the whole case sitting beside me.

It was late, so few people came around. Those who did I normally knew. Greasers I know usually get out at night. It's when the city comes alive and you forget the rest of the world. For me, nothing could make me forget, not even a twelve-pack of beer.

I stumbled through the darkness, nearly falling in my drunken state. I found my way back home. Mom wasn't there. Molly wasn't there. They were waiting on the inevitable. I wasn't so sure I could face Molly's fate. She was supposed to have at least two more months. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. I hoped it'd be painless for her. I knew it'd be anything but for me.

I slumped against the front wall of the house, keeling over on the front porch. I laid like that, looking up at the stars for the rest of the night. Sleep wouldn't come. Too many thoughts rolled in my head. It wasn't until the next morning that I remembered my promise to Molly. Though she hadn't died yet, I owed it to her to stick around with Mom.

I rubbed my eyes, feeling the hangover. I was used to them. They didn't bother me so much anymore. Still, I had to run inside the house and throw up, emptying the contents of last night's drinking.

I poured cold water on my face. Molly would know I went out and got drunk for sure. It was too easy to tell, judging by my bloodshot eyes and pained expression. Every little noise bothered me. She'd see it for sure. She'd see how I failed her once more.

I walked to the hospital, which was still five miles away. I had few memories of where I had actually gone the night before, but assumed I'd walked a lot by the way my legs ached.

When I got to the hospital, Mom was in the waiting room to the ICU. There were tears rolling down her face. Her eyes were bloodshot like mine, but for a different reason.

I came up to her and kneeled down in front of her chair.

"Mom?" I spoke softly.

She looked up at me, rocking back and forth as she fought to control her emotions.

"My little girl is going to die," She said quietly. The brokenness in her voice made my eyes water. I fought the tears. Mom needed someone to be strong for her. I'd have to be the one.

"I know, Mom." There was nothing else to say, no lie I could tell her. She knew the truth. I couldn't fill her mind with empty hopes. Molly was going to die. There was nothing else to it.

"Can I see her?" I asked.

She nodded and pointed to the direction I was to go. I found her, lying weakly on the bed, a breathing mask placed over her face. She looked even paler than the last time I had seen her, which was only hours ago.

"Hey, Two-Bit," She said weakly.

"Hey."

I came up to her and took her hand.

"I'm scared."

I said it... not Molly.

**Dallas' POV**

I lay across the uncomfortable cot. The ceiling was of no interest to me, but there was nothing else in the room to entertain me. Jimmy was snoring across the hall from me. I turned my head so I could watch him sleep. He kicked out, reminding me of a dog having a dream about chasing rabbits.

I found a carving in the bed post, letting me know I had been here once more. I laughed at the profanity I had written. So I'd been here before, huh? It was hard to tell considering every cell looked the same.

I closed my eyes, hoping to get some sleep, when I heard Jimmy begin to cry out. I could see he was having a nightmare or something like it.

I stood stiffly, my back aching from the springs in the cot that poked through the mattress. I rubbed my lower back as I walked to the bars so I could get closer to Jimmy.

"Hey, dumb ass. Wake up!" I said loudly. Jimmy started, waking up. He searched the room and seeing there was no danger or whatever it was he had dreamed of, he wiped his eyes in relief.

"Thanks, Dal," He said weakly.

"Whatever, man."

I went back to the cot, sitting up in the hopes that without the springs poking my back I could sleep better. But my thoughts took over.

I was going to be in here for nine months, then I'd have three months of probation. I felt the urge once more to get high, but knew there was nothing I could do about it. Nine months seemed like a long time. Johnny would be out before me. I got the news yesterday. The court decided it without my attendance, not that there was anything I could do about it. Jimmy also got the news, which I overheard.

He was in for four years. He'd be moved to the state prison in a week. I actually felt bad for the guy. He didn't seem too smart and I could tell he hadn't spent much time in jail before. Jimmy was probably doing it for the money, nothing more. I doubted he even used the drugs he sold. What an idiot.

Jimmy sat on his cot with his knees up to his chest. His eyes were wide and fearful, reminding me of Johnny. I realized the gang had no idea where I was, not that they usually did. If I got another chance for a call, I'd take it this time. Last time I declined, knowing no one to call or who'd care.

I closed my eyes, hoping I'd be able to fall asleep. It wasn't likely in this stupid hellhole.

**Well, I left you with two cliffhangers in that one, didn't I? So evil. Bwahahaha! It's been a week, and I know I'm going to make it. Thanks again for those messages you guys sent. They really helped!**


	15. Two Bit

**I'll be good and not leave those cliffhangers for another chapter. Here's some answers to your questions!**

**Johnny's POV**

_Dear Pony,_

_I understand your need to rant every now and then. You need another friend, someone outside the gang. The gang is too hard to listen to you the way you'd want. I hope you can find someone to listen to you so you don't have to wait to write me to get your feelings heard._

_Pony, I'm scared. Tom, my roommate, stabbed himself today. They took him to the hospital, but I haven't heard anything else. I don't know where he got that knife. It looked like one of the kitchen knives, but how could he take it without anyone knowing? He must be pretty miserable for that to happen. I hope he'll be okay, though I don't think that's what he wants._

_How's Dallas doing? Have you heard from him lately? How about Two-Bit and Steve? Is everyone doing all right? I hope so. I worry about them. Maybe needlessly, but I still do._

_Write back soon._

_Your friend,_

_Johnny._

I leaned back, content with my letter. I looked up at the top bunk, almost expecting Tom to be up there. I couldn't understand why he would do that, why he would try to kill himself. Was it so bad here? We're fed, shelterer. That's more than I could say about my house. I didn't know about Tom's home life. Well, I didn't know much about him at all. He usually kept to himself. When we talked, it was mainly just about me. I felt bad about never finding out what was wrong with him.

I folded Pony's letter and placed it into the envelope. I licked the lining, grimacing at the taste. Once it was sealed, I flipped it over and wrote Pony's address. I didn't get the stamps, so I would leave it like that and wait for someone to come in and take it so it could be mailed.

I left the envelope on the desk and got up to go to my bed. I lay stretched across the bed, my hands behind my head. I wondered if anyone would come to see Tom in the hospital, if he had family who'd rush at the chance to see him. I envied him if that was the case.

I must have fallen asleep thinking about it. I was awoken by a knock on my door. I sat up, nearly hitting my head on the top bunk.

The door opened and one of the supervisors walked in. She looked upset and I feared the worst.

"Johnny... Tom died on the way to the hospital. It was too late to save him. I'm so sorry."

I felt the blood drain from my face. I should have expected it, should have known it was going to happen. But I still wasn't prepared to hear those words.

"We'll be in here in the morning to get his things. Do you think you can get them together for us?"

I nodded. "Where will his things go?"

"Well, he doesn't have any family, so we'll keep them until someone claims them."

"Oh."

"Try to get some sleep. You'll get a new roommate soon." She smiled softly.

When the door closed, I let the tears fall. Poor Tom. No wonder he killed himself. There was nothing for him here, nothing for him when he got out. I had planned suicide many times in my life, but never had the nerve to actually do something. Besides, I had the gang. They were my real family.

Even as I thought those words, I knew they weren't true. Sure, the gang protected me, were always there for me. But it wasn't the same as a real family. I wanted more. I wanted a mom and a dad who'd love me, take care of me. Not just a bunch of kids who had no one else.

When my eyes were dry again, I decided I'd gather Tom's things. But when I found his journal, I knew I couldn't give it to them. I'd keep it, try to figure out who the real Tom Spencer was.

I went down to my bed and opened his journal to the first page. It read "Thomas Aaron Spencer." I didn't know his real name was Thomas, or his middle name was Aaron. Another thing learned.

I flipped to the last page, knowing it'd be the most recent. I wanted to know what he said about killing himself, if he had said anything at all. I found a poem waiting there.

_Giving Up The Fight_

_by Tom Spencer_

_Life holds no meaning_

_I'm all alone_

_I'm left out_

_And unknown_

_People look right through me_

_I have no friends to call mine_

_No family to love or care_

_I keep telling myself I'm fine_

_But I know it isn't true_

_I don't want to go through this anymore_

_I don't want to struggle_

_I want more_

_I'm giving up the fight_

_So the pain will end_

_I'm giving up the fight_

_Because my broken heart can't mend_

_No one has been there for me_

_So what do I have to lose?_

_My life holds no meaning_

_No love and no hope for me_

_I've suffered long enough_

_I'm ready to be free_

_Of the pain growing inside_

_I take the barrel and place it to my head_

_And know in a matter of minutes_

_I will be dead_

_I know this isn't right_

_It's an unforgivable sin_

_But metal never felt so good. . ._

_I gave up the fight_

I wondered why he used a gun in the poem instead of a knife. It didn't really matter, though. The story was still the same, ending with the same tragedy. The words sounded so familiar. Would I end up the same way?

**Pony's POV**

Soda and Darry were at work. I had just gotten home from school. I was thankful they let me go finally. I didn't like being babied at home. We couldn't afford the time Soda and Darry took off anyway.

I read Johnny's letter. When I finished, I knew what I could do. I wheeled down to the phone, picked it up and dialed the number written on the slip of paper.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hi, Rose? This is Pony."

"Pony! It's so good to hear from you! How are you?" She sounded excited.

"Um, not too good. Do you think you could come over for a while?"

"Sure. I'll ask Mom and see if she can drive me. What's your address?"

I gave it to her and she hung up, promising she'd be there soon. I decided I'd wait for her on the porch.

Within half an hour, she was there. Her mom was going to go grocery shopping and promised to be back within two hours. I hoped it'd be enough time.

She walked up the sidewalk, smiling at me with a warmth in her eyes.

"Hey, Pony," She said as she came up to me on the porch.

"Hey. You want to come inside?" I asked.

"Wherever you're comfortable."

I smiled and led the way into my room, hoping that if Soda came home he'd leave us to our privacy. She took a seat on my bed and I stayed in my wheelchair. She sat, silent, waiting for me to talk.

"I-I'm sorry to bother you. I just needed someone to talk to."

"Don't apologize. That's what I'm here for. So what's got you looking like you're ready to give in?" Her voice was gentle.

"What hasn't? I can't walk. I can't see my best friend. I can't talk to my brothers, the two people who would actually listen, because if I tell them that I'm so depressed they will only worry about me. They don't need that. They already worry enough. Darry has an ulcer. Worrying will only hurt him more. Soda isn't the same. He doesn't laugh as much as he used to. The gang is falling apart. I hardly ever see Dallas. Two-Bit isn't around as much and when he is you can tell something is bothering him. Steve was kicked out of his house by his father, who beat him. I can't take all this misery. I just want it to be over." I saw Rose look up over my head, but then rest her eyes back on me. I covered my face with my hands, trying to fight the tears away, but not doing a good job of it.

I felt warm arms wrap around me. Rose hugged me tightly. I could hear her speak soothing phrases to me, but I couldn't make them out over the sound of my sobs.

A handkerchief was pressed into the palm of my hand. I used it to wipe at my tears. I finally dared to look up. When I did, I was staring into the teary eyes of Sodapop.

Rose was sitting on the bed still. It hadn't been her hugging me, soothing me. It was Soda. He had heard what I said.

"You can tell me anything, Pony. Please, don't feel like it'll make me worry too much. That's what I'm here for, what Darry's here for."

"Soda," I cried, burying my face in his chest as his arms encircled me.

**Two-Bit's POV**

Molly nodded in understanding. She knew what I feared and she was probably feeling the same thing.

"Come here," She said opening her arms to me.

I smiled, blinking at the tears. I was surprised by her changed attitude. She usually is so bitter, but now she seems resigned to her fate.

I moved onto the bed beside her. Her weak arms wrapped around me. I hugged her lightly, trying not to cause her any more pain. We sat there for many minutes, just holding each other. After a while, I felt her go limp in my arms. I let go of her gently, placing her arms back to her sides. I watched her peaceful face, with some fear that she wasn't going to wake up.

Mom was waiting for her turn when I came out.

"She's asleep," I said, my voice breaking slightly when I said "asleep," for the fear that it was the coma.

She nodded, but went inside anyway.

I walked away, sitting on one of the benches in the hallway outside. I leaned back, closing my eyes. I fell asleep, only to awaken to my mother's scream.

"No!" She shouted, her voice so broken I felt my pulse begin to race.

I was nearly run over by a team of nurses and doctors. I followed after them. Mom was sobbing, hugging herself as she watched Molly's face. I could tell by the racing monitor that her heart beat was irregular. Looking at Molly, she looked so dead. Was she yet?

The doctors worked. When the beep held one long note, they placed panels onto her chest. After the doctor said "clear," Molly's body jolted upward. The beat didn't change. They repeated the procedure three times, but she was gone.

"Oh, God," I breathed, tears already formed in my eyes. I held my stomach, about to wretch. Mom's broken sobs and screams reached my ears as I ran down the hallway and into the public restroom. I vomited, choking on the sobs. I breathed deeply in an attempt to calm myself. She was gone. My sister is gone. There was no coma, no long wait to see when she would die. She was just gone. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I stumbled out of the hospital, heading home. I had a stash of beer waiting for me. I could barely see for the tears flowing from my eyes. People turned and stared when I was coming. I didn't look at them. I couldn't see them. I just wanted to be home, drunk enough to forget the pain, to make it go away.

When I got there, I immediately opened a bottle, drinking until it was empty. I stumbled toward my mom's room, reaching into her drawer. I found a gun, what I wanted. Could I really do this? Would I?

I had a call to make.

**Darry's POV**

I went inside our house, finally home from work. I looked around. Soda and Pony weren't around. I assumed they were already in bed. I sighed. I hated this, hated missing them so much during the day.

I was barely through the door when the phone rang. I went over to it, answering with a gruff hello.

"Hey, Darry." Two-Bit's voice was sad, gentle.

"What's up, Two-Bit?" I asked, fearing something was wrong.

"I just...I wanted to say that...I appreciate all you and the gang have done for me. I'm going to miss you."

"What are you talking about? Where are you?"

"At home."

"What happened? Where are you going?"

"Molly died." Molly? His sister?

"Oh, Two-Bit, I'm so sorry." I looked up and saw Soda standing in the hall. His eyes looked red, like he'd been crying. I glanced at him with concern, but turned back to Two-Bit.

"I-I can't take this anymore. I don't want to go on like this."

"Two-Bit, I'm coming over." I felt panicky. What was he talking about?

"No. It's what I wanted. Don't blame yourself. Don't let any of the gang blame themselves. This was my choice."

"Two-Bit."

"Look in on my mom every now and then okay? I hate to do this to you guys, to her. She's going to be sad for a long time. I probably shouldn't, but... Darry, I can't do this."

"Please, Two-Bit. Listen to me. You have to keep living! For Molly. Please, Two-Bit."

"Bye, Darry."

"Two-Bit! Two-Bit!" I screamed.

But the line was dead. And I feared so was Two-Bit.

**Ooh, another cliffhanger. Don't worry! I'll try to be good and update this weekend. And Rose will make lots more appearances.**


	16. He's Alive!

**Okay, you guys better show me lots of love because I'm updating on my BIRTHDAY. Can you tell how exciting it is? LOL No, we mostly celebrated yesterday. I could be mean and wait until tomorrow, but I'm being good and not making you wait. So show me some love!**

**Oh, and in answer to lots of questions, yes, I did write that poem. And, no, I'm not suicidal(not that that was a question, I just wanted to clarify that).**

**Soda's POV**

"What is it?" Pony asked in a quiet voice as he came out of our room. He still looked shaken. I placed a hand on his shoulder. Maybe it was just the scare Darry was giving us. What was wrong with Two-Bit?

When Darry remained silent, I spoke his name, watching him carefully. He seemed in shock, scared. I stepped away from Pony and went to him, looking him in the eye.

"What is it, Darry?" I asked.

"We-we have to go. We have to go to Two-Bit's house. Now."

I nodded, but Darry was already ahead of me, running out the door.

The three of us got in the truck as quickly as possible. We were delayed slightly because of Pony and his wheelchair. Darry sped away from our house faster than I'd seen him drive before. Two-Bit only lived a few miles away, but with Pony, we'd take a while to get there.

Darry remained silent, not telling us what was going on. Pony looked frightened. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He looked up at me and I smiled encouragingly at him.

When we got to Two-Bit's house, Darry was out of the car immediately after he stopped. I went around to the bed of the truck and got Pony's wheelchair. I helped him get in so we'd go faster. Once Pony was settled, I chased after Darry, hearing him scream Two-Bit's name.

I went into the living room of Two-Bit's house and found Darry sitting beside Two-Bit. A large puddle of blood was pouring out of his shoulder. Before I could turn and block Pony's view, he was there, seeing it all. By the look of terror on his face, I knew he was as surprised and scared as I was.

"Help me get him up," Darry ordered, his voice stern, though I could tell it was from the emotions weighing on him.

I quickly complied, rushing to his side and taking Two-Bit by the feet. Darry held his upper body as gently as he could, but Two-Bit moaned. I noted the gun resting where he had lain. Two-Bit had done that to himself?

"We have to get him to the hospital. Let's bring him out to the truck. You okay?" Darry said.

"I'm fine."

Pony backed up and out of the house, tears in his eyes. I couldn't imagine what this was doing to him. he had been going through enough lately, as I overheard from his conversation with Rose. I was glad she had been there for Pony, though I was jealous it wasn't me he chose to talk to.

Shaking myself from those thoughts and making myself focus on the present, I backed out of Two-Bit's house. I didn't like doing it backwards, having to glance behind me every few steps. But Darry had it hard enough trying to keep Two-Bit comfortable and not bother his bleeding shoulder.

We finally got him to the truck. We turned so Darry would go in first. He was too limp to leave sitting.

"Where should we sit?" I asked him, meaning Pony and I.

"I guess in the back. You want to drive? I can hang on to him back there."

"No, no. You drive. I'll take care of him."

Pony was waiting for me at the back of the truck. He must have overheard our conversation.

"You going to need help getting up here?" I asked him. He nodded, surprising me.

"Okay." I leaned down and scooped him into my arms, sitting down on the back of the truck. I backed up a little, then placed Pony in the back. I quickly got out of the truck and put Pony's wheelchair in with us.

"Ready?" Darry asked.

"Ready." I replied. I scooted over to Pony, wrapping an arm around him and hanging on to the side of the truck.

"Just hang onto me, okay?" I told Pony. He nodded, wrapping an arm around my waist.

Darry drove us to the hospital, careful with turns. Pony and I did okay in the back. Pony's wheelchair bumped into my side a few times, but I didn't mind as long as it wasn't hurting Pony.

When we arrived, Darry took Two-Bit in before I could get Pony out. By the time Pony and I got inside, Two-Bit was already being taken back.

When we walked up to Darry, he turned, looking grim.

"I-I have to find his mother."

"Do you know where she is?" I asked.

"Probably here."

I was confused.

"Why would she be here?"

"Because Molly died here today."

I gasped. Pony looked equally surprised. Two-Bit's sister died? How?

"I'll be back as soon as I can, okay, guys?"

I nodded and Darry walked away and to one of the nurses' stations.

Pony and I went to the waiting room. I sank down in the chair, feeling emotionally exhausted.

I looked over at Pony. He seemed to be taking it better than I expected, but I assumed there was more to it than he was showing. I was proud of him for all he had told me this afternoon.

When I walked in on him talking to Rose, he hadn't noticed. Rose had acknowledged my presence, but kept her attention on Pony. The power behind his words had shocked me. I hadn't know he was feeling that way. The fact that he wouldn't tell me and Darry anything to protect us made me proud, but sad, too. Pony should be able to tell me and Darry anything, but he was too afraid to. He shouldn't have to worry about me, Darry, the gang. He was the youngest. It wasn't his job to worry.

His observation on me had surprised me. I didn't laugh as much as I used to? It was probably true, but I hadn't done it intentionally. It was hard. I realized the problems of the gang, too. I hated seeing Steve so bitter. I had even picked up on Two-Bit's secrecy. I wondered now if part of that had something to do with his sister. I had more stress and worries than I had before. I figured it had something to do with my change of attitude.

Rose had left once Pony realized it was me, not her, who was holding him. She promised to come back soon so Pony could talk more. I hoped he wouldn't need to talk to her as much.

Pony didn't tell me too much after Rose left, but I got the gist of it. He was scared, sad, worried. I didn't want him to be feeling any of those things, but it seemed out of my control.

I looked over at Pony again and found he had fallen asleep. It was no wonder. I hadn't realized the time. It was ten thirty at night.

I snuggled in the chair, getting comfortable. I'd try to stay awake until Darry came back, but I wasn't making any promises.

**Darry's POV**

I found out from one of the nurses that Mrs. Mathews was on the third floor, talking to some of the doctors. She hadn't left since Molly died, but had planned on leaving soon. She was waiting on the elevator, to go down, when I came up.

She must have read my expression because when she saw me she put her hand on her heart and said, "What is it?"

I sighed, taking her by the elbow and bringing her to a chair. When she was seated, I stooped down in front of her. I took her hands in mine, comfortingly, and looked her in the eyes.

"Two-Bit got shot." She gasped, and tears began to fall. I continued. "He's here right now, in the hospital. I brought him into the emergency room. He called me before he got shot. Um, ma'am, I'm not positive, but I think he may have shot himself."

I wasn't sure she heard me. She took her hands out of mine and covered her face. She cried for several minutes, and when she stopped, she had an amazing calm.

"Take me to the waiting room, please."

I nodded. "Okay."

I walked her to the elevator and to the waiting room. She had amazing control over herself, for someone who lost her daughter and might lose her son in one day.

When she saw Soda and Pony, who had both fallen asleep, she smiled. I was surprised to find it there.

"Poor boys. They look so exhausted."

I smiled at their sleeping forms as well. They did look tired. I didn't like that.

After I sat her down in one of the chairs across from Soda and Pony, I sat down beside her. Within a few short minutes, a doctor was out.

"Is there a Darry in here?" He asked, looking around. I stood.

"Yes. That's me."

He sighed, then smiled. "Good. I take it you know Keith Mathews? He's conscious at the moment and he's asking for you."

I looked to Two-Bit's mom. I could see surprise there, but she nodded her consent.

I followed the doctor back. I was told to put on a surgical mask to keep germs out. I also put on latex gloves.

When I got to Two-Bit's side, they allowed us as much privacy as possible.

"How you doing, buddy?" I asked as I stood beside him on the hospital bed.

"I-I didn't mean to. I wasn't going to do it. I-I-I chickened out. I couldn't do it. But, but, I realized it too late. I don't want to die. Please, tell my mom that."

"Sh, calm down." He was getting too jittery. "She's here. She's worried about you. But you need to calm down and let these people do their job so you can get better, okay?"

He nodded and a nurse was already placing a mask over his mouth. He began to drift off. I held his hand as he went under. With one last squeeze to my hand, he was out.

"Thank you," I said to the doctor, and let myself out.

When I came back into the waiting room, Soda was awake and talking to Mrs. Mathews. When I walked in, they both turned to me.

"He...he said he didn't mean to shoot himself. He hadn't meant to do it, but I guess he realized he didn't want to die too late. He wanted me to tell you he doesn't want to die."

Mrs. Mathews nodded and began to cry quietly. I looked over at Soda and smiled reassuringly. He settled back into his chair and closed his eyes. I walked over and sat down beside him. He leaned his head on my shoulder and soon he was asleep.


	17. One Moment Would Have Changed It All

**Johnny's POV**

I sank down on my bed, shaking. I had gotten quite a scare when the workers came in to pick up Tom's things. They questioned the journal, thinking it was Tom's as well. Luckily, they believed me. I still felt the scare.

I turned and grabbed the journal from the other side of my bed. I opened it to the first page with writing and read.

_Day one in Hell. _

_What good is this place to me? It doesn't make me feel like I should stop doing things that are considered "bad." Sure, I got in trouble, I got arrested. Who actually gives a damn, though? I don't. And my family sure can't care._

_Why do I always have to think about them? Every time I do I feel like crying. But, then, I suppose anyone would if they went through what I did._

_I shiver just thinking about it. Months of psychiatric help didn't make any difference. It still haunts me._

_Anger wells inside me just thinking about what happened to them. I wish I could have joined them. Why did I live? Why did I make it? I didn't want to, not if they were all gone. If just one of them survived, I could consider living. But without all of them? Life's just not worth living._

_The screams still echo in my mind, including my own. My little sisters' screams sound the loudest. Three sisters, two brothers, my parents all gone in just a few minutes._

_I miss Mom the most. Mom would care that I was in trouble. She'd lecture me, but her concern would still be there. I'd know I disappointed her, and I'd find some way to make it up to her, never getting in such trouble again._

_I see I'm getting a roommate. The last one got to leave. I was still in here for three months. It wouldn't matter, though. Whether it was here or somewhere else, I was going to stop this._

I leaned back. Was he already contemplating suicide? I wondered what it was that happened to his family. It sounded pretty serious. Tom was definitely a haunted person. Was that why he had had nightmares?

Reading that, I found some comfort in the fact that Tom didn't enjoy the life he was living. I couldn't imagine him being happy with his life and committing suicide. But if he was miserable, I could understand that.

Suicide seemed the easy way out for me. It always had. I had come so close so many times. Once, it was so close, that Two-Bit found me with my knife in hand. He didn't think anything of it, but if he hadn't shown up, I wondered if I'd still be here.

The gang was always there to stop me. That was the good thing. I couldn't stand my life at home. Mom and Dad were always fighting with each other, and when they weren't, they were fighting with me. I had grown immune to the physical pain, but inside, it was killing me slowly, drawing me closer and closer to the point of suicide.

I turned back to Tom's journal, hoping I could get some more answers on his life.

**Soda's POV**

I couldn't believe it. Two-Bit had tried to kill himself? Why? I understood it must have something to do with his sister. But why wouldn't he tell us about that?

Mrs. Mathews had surprisingly fallen asleep. Darry was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. He was watching Pony intently. Pony was asleep still, for which I was thankful.

"Hey, Darry," I tried to get his attention.

He looked up slowly, reluctant to take his gaze off Pony.

"Yeah, little buddy?" He turned his attention to me.

"I-I have some things to tell you."

Concern flashed in his eyes.

"What is it? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's... it's about Pony."

Darry's gaze shifted to Pony then back to me.

"What's going on?"

"Um... yesterday, when I came home from work, Pony was talking to Rose in our room. You remember Rose, don't you?"

"Yeah, the girl from the hospital."

"Right. Well, um, he said some things that caused some concern."

"Like what?" Again Darry looked at Pony.

"He was telling her about how he's upset about everything. He doesn't want to tell us because he doesn't want us to worry so much."

"What do you mean 'everything'?"

"Two-Bit being so mysterious, and now we seem to know why. Dallas never being around. Steve getting kicked out of his house. Johnny being away. Your ulcer. And apparently, I don't laugh as much anymore."

Darry went into deep thought. He looked between me and Pony. After several minutes, he cleared his throat, tight with emotion.

"Did you... were you there for him? Did he know you heard?"

I nodded.

"What'd he do?"

"He cried."

Darry's eyes looked rather wet, too. I felt the emotions of yesterday, lodging in my throat.

Darry and I were silent, lost in thought. Later, Pony began to stir. Darry moved to the floor in front of his wheelchair.

Pony opened his eyes and moaned groggily. He looked around frantically, until he rested his gaze on Darry and he seemed to remember where he was.

"Hey, baby. Um, Soda was telling me about what happened earlier."

Pony's eyes flashed to me angrily. I was surprised by the sudden anger.

"You told him?" Pony's eyes held such a fire I was frightened.

"Pony, it's okay. You can tell us when things are bothering you. You don't have to do this alone," Darry said gently.

"How could you?" Pony's attention was still on me. Though I had made no promise of keeping what happened a secret, I felt guilty.

"Pony, I-" I started but Pony backed away from Darry and wheeled himself as quickly as he could.

Darry and I exchanged glances. We moved to follow him, but a doctor came out asking for us.

Darry went and woke Mrs. Mathews.

"We're his family," I answered, feeling no awkwardness. We were as much family as Darry, Pony, and I.

"Hi, I'm Dr. David Ballard. I'm Keith's doctor." He held his hand out and each of us shook it while introducing ourselves.

"Have a seat," Dr. Ballard suggested.

We all sat. I looked anxiously in the direction Pony went. I prayed he didn't go far.

"Keith's progress is encouraging. We were able to remove the bullet easily. The amount of blood loss did raise some concerns, so we will be administering blood transfusions and we will continue to observe him for a few days. If there is no change for the worse, he should be able to be released."

Mrs. Mathews covered her face with her hands and cried. I couldn't imagine what she was going through, just losing her daughter and coming that close to losing Two-Bit. I found it strange when the doctor called Two-Bit by his real name.

"May I see him?" She asked.

The doctor nodded and escorted her to Two-Bit.

Darry sighed with relief. We both stood and faced each other.

"We better go find Pony."

I nodded in agreement.

We walked through the hospital, but we didn't find him. I assumed he left, which scared me. It was after midnight. Who knew who'd be out there.

**Pony's POV**

My arms ached. I had gotten far fast. I continued to wheel myself, past the pain in my arms, the pain in my heart.

I didn't want them to know! How could I have let them hear, let them know how I was feeling? I let my guard down and it was going to cost me. It would be too hard on them now, knowing I had the pain. If they knew...God, how could I have let them find out?

I shouldn't have told Rose. I should have kept it inside. I knew they couldn't find out! I pushed the wheels harder, making myself suffer more for being so stupid. I had no destination in mind. The darkness of night calmed me, the shine of the moon beating down on me. I watched the moon light reflect off a puddle. The moon cast shadows that were never there before and I felt the hairs raise on my arms.

The hospital was far behind me. Darry and Soda would only worry more now. Why did I leave?

I must have known subconsciously where I wanted to go. I found I was at the park... the park where this whole nightmare began.

I went to the fountain and stared down at my reflection. It had been cleaned since then, the blood no longer there. I felt the frustration. If those stupid Socs had just left us alone, if I had never met Cherry or Marcia, if we had never gone to the movies, if I hadn't fallen asleep in the lot...

There were so many "ifs." The ifs were the worst part. Just one moment could have changed it all. Why did I let it happen? Why didn't I leave the girls to fend for themselves? Why didn't I go home after leaving them with their boyfriends?

This all could have been avoided. One moment. One change. One thing done differently.

I screamed as loud as I could, finally feeling free of the anger.

**Darry's POV**

Soda and I were driving around in the truck looking for Pony. We hadn't found him inside the hospital. He had to have gone somewhere else. I didn't know where we'd find him. I drove toward home, hoping that was where he was headed.

The blood was still visible in the truck. Soda tried to sit away from it. He made a point of not touching it, though it was dry.

"Where could he be?" I breathed. I felt fear rise in me. What if something happened to him? I could imagine the many things that someone could have done to him. He was a helpless kid in a wheelchair. What criminal wouldn't go after him?

I ordered Soda to roll down the window and I did the same with mine. I screamed outside the window, hoping no one would mind. I knew it was late, but my baby brother was missing and I had to find him.

In between our screams, Soda and I heard another scream. I recognized it as Pony, though the pain and anger of it was unlike him.

I sped toward the park, assuming that was where I heard it.

I parked the car and we both ran into the park. I spotted him over by a fountain, crying. He was sitting on the edge, not in his wheelchair, which was right beside him.

"Pony!" I screamed, increasing my speed. Soda and I ran to him. When I made it to him, I sank down on the ground in front of him.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I demanded, gripping his chin so he was forced to look at me.

"N-no," He stuttered.

"Oh, God, Pony." I gripped him fiercely, hugging him tightly to me. I felt a sob in my throat and I let it out as the tears spilled from my eyes.

"Stop doing this to me," I cried into his hair as I pressed my face to the side of Pony's head.

"I'm sorry," I heard Pony reply.

Soda's arms encircled both me and Pony. I reached a hand out and squeezed one of Soda's wrists tightly.

The three of us sat there and cried. Pony was safe. I cried from fear, from joy, from sadness. I could have lost Pony again. I didn't care that he was only gone a little while. So many things could have happened to him. He was hurting inside. Soda and I were going to help him, whether he wanted us to or not. We were going to worry, sure, but it wouldn't fill up all of our day. We were supposed to worry.

I understood now what Mom and Dad were always talking about.


	18. The Pain Will Ease

**NOTE: There has been a change made to the last chapter. It is also easier to read. I changed the piece from Tom's journal. I did have something else planned for what happened to him, but found it too graphic to add to this story. If anyone is curious as to what it was, I can tell you about it or send you what I had written of it.**

**WARNING: Though I tried to calm this down, this chapter does contain scary and violent circumstances.**

**I had a fun vacation, but I missed you guys! I'm sorry it's taken so long to update!**

**Johnny's POV**

I flipped through the pages, searching for what happened to Tom. Curiosity got the best of me. I was half way through when I found Tom write something about getting it off his chest.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what I was about to read.

_I suppose it could be therapeutic to write it all down. I've never told anyone the whole story. I told part of what happened to the police. I was required to tell them as much as I could "remember." How could they imagine I'd forget anything?_

_So I'll tell the story. Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't. I hope it does because I can't imagine me feeling any worse about it._

_We were on a trip to Ft. Myers Beach, Florida. I was having fun in the ocean with three of my five siblings. Monica was on the beach soaking up the rays and Jeff was preparing his fishing pole. Dad was beside him, preparing his as well._

_Mom was lathering up the sunscreen. I hadn't bothered to put any on. I would probably regret it later._

_"Again, again!" My youngest sister Abby demanded._

_I sighed. "Okay, okay." I pretended I minded, but I really didn't._

_I lifted her up on my shoulders. She stood on my shoulders, one foot per side, and held onto my hands._

_"On three. Ready? One...two... three." On three, she dove off my shoulders and into the water._

_The gulf was calm today, so I didn't worry too much about her and the waves. She was the only one I'd have to worry about. Mark was playing with Hannah, splashing around._

_"Come eat, guys!" Mom called a few minutes later. She was distributing sandwiches and bottle of water across the blanket laid underneath the large beach umbrella._

_I held Abby's hand as we walked up the beach to the blanket. Mark and Hannah were close behind._

_We had almost reached the blanket when a loud noise made the hairs on my neck stand up. I looked over and saw a masked man in black with a gun in his hand._

_I could hear people screaming, and I recognized one as my own, though I had no memory of actually screaming._

_"Run!" I screamed, pulling Abby along with me. She screamed and cried. I pulled her with me, running as fast as I could. I turned and saw Dad trying to protect Jeff, but it was too late. Jeff went down hard._

_I bit back a sob as I ran. I realized Abby had gone limp. I stopped running and looked down at her._

_She was dead._

_This time I sobbed openly. I laid her body gently on the sand, and ran back to my family._

_As I neared, I saw Mark and Hannah lying lifelessly at the waters edge. Their blood reddened the water, making my stomach churn._

_Mom screamed loudly as Dad went down. I ran toward her, but before I could make it, I fell down hard on the sand. I blinked up at the blue sky and wondered how the sun could still be shining when all this was happening._

_I was swept away into unconsciousness and when I woke, my life would never be the same._

_The next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital. I had been shot in the chest and had already come out of surgery. The first thing on my mind was where my family was. No one would answer me until a cop came into my room to question me._

_He showed me pictures, pictures that haunt me to this day. It was them, their lifeless bodies. I identified my family, but didn't know the others. They were all gone. Two other people besides me survived the psycho killer, who had shot himself after shooting the people at the beach._

_I couldn't understand what was happening. I had a panic attack after seeing their pictures. It wasn't the last one, either. Life lost meaning. Breathing seemed useless. What was the point in living?_

_I blink back tears as I write this, still remembering Abby's little body. SHe was six years old, hardly having a life at all. Why was I spared?_

_I never have found out, so I assume there was no reason. It was just a bit of "luck" that I survived. If that was the case, why did I have to keep living?_

_I wouldn't have to ponder that for long. It'll be over soon. Then I can be happy._

I saw a tear slip from my face and onto the page I was reading. What could it have been like for him? I couldn't imagine the horror his life must have been. I wished he hadn't had to suffer so much. I understood why he did what he did and I didn't blame him for a minute.

I feel my life is hard. Would I have the same fate as Tom?

**Steve's POV**

I arrived at the hospital early in the morning after Soda called me. He found me at Buck's, where I was work behind the bar. Soda said he'd explain more once I got there. I wondered what that meant.

When I arrived at the hospital, Soda and Pony were the only ones in the waiting room. I wondered where Darry was.

I realized I hadn't told them the news that Buck had passed along to me. I didn't want to have to tell them, but they deserved the truth. I sure never got it before.

"Hey," I said simply when I came to them. I noticed that Pony was asleep. I tip-toed past him and sat on the other side of Soda.

"Hey. I'm glad you could come."

"Sure, sure. What's going on? Where's Darry?"

"He's at work right now. I hate to tell you all this. It's pretty awful."

Soda continued to tell me how Two-Bit had attempted to commit suicide, though he said he couldn't do it at the last minute, but not soon enough for him to miss shooting himself. He told me he was stable, and even awake at times. His mom was back with him.

When I asked Soda why it happened, I was saddened to hear about Two-Bit's sister. She seemed nice enough to me. Just one more tough break for us, huh?

When I said that, Soda looked saddened.

"I don't like thinking that way, but it seems that's how things turn out more and more, doesn't it?"

I hadn't really meant to upset him. It was more sarcastic than anything, though I still felt the truth behind it.

"Um, I actually have something to tell you, too," I said once the story was over.

"Oh, no. What is it?" Soda must have read my expression, or the tone in my voice.

"Buck told me... Dallas is in jail."

Soda sighed with relief. "At least he's not dead. I had my suspicions. I hate to think what might have happened if that was the case."

"Yeah, I know. The gang is already falling apart. We don't need something like that now. We already came too close this time."

"I know. I just... I can't imagine Two-Bit being so upset like that. I mean, he's always the goofy, happy, joking one. He never seems so emotional."

I thought of the things I had kept from the gang over the years. Maybe Two-Bit was just as good at doing it as me.

"Yeah. It doesn't seem like him." But I knew different. He must be like me. We all have our secrets we chose to keep. Was this Two-Bit's?

**Two-Bit's POV**

I woke up dazed. My vision was blurry, so I blinked rapidly to clear the fog that seemed to hang over me.

When my eyes focused, I saw Mom sitting in the chair beside my bed. She watched me with red, tear-filled eyes. I hated causing her more grief.

"Hey, Mama," I said hoarsely.

She smiled and reached out to brush her hand along my face.

"My poor little boy." She laid her hand against my cheek. I leaned into it.

I reached up my hand and took Mom's with it.

"I'm so sorry," I said, feeling tearful myself.

"Sh, hush now. I know it was hard on you. Darryl told me you weren't going to at the last minute. I know you weren't trying to hurt me. You were just trying to stop your hurt."

"I miss her," I cried. Tears traced down my face and onto her hand.

"I know. I miss her, too." This time Mom's tears spilled as well.

Though my shoulder ached, I turned toward her and she moved into my open arms. We held each other as we began to cry.

Molly was gone. Though the hole inside my heart where she should be was still piercing, I knew I was going to make it. Mom was going through the same thing as me. She would understand my pain. Some how, together, we'll make it through... because we have each other.

**Pony's POV**

I hated the knowledge that Darry understood what was going on with me now. It just didn't seem like it was fair to make them worry, though they assured me over and over again that it was their job to worry and that it wasn't going to bother them. I needed to talk to them more. I still had someone I really wanted to talk to first. Maybe that would help prepare me for talking to Soda and Darry.

I asked Soda to take me home, and when I was alone, I called Rose again.

"Pony! How are you? I'm so sorry about last time. I hope you were able to talk to Soda," She greeted me.

"Yeah, I did. I even got to talk to Darry a little, too. But, um, Rose?"

"Yes?"

"Could you come over again? I'd really like to talk to you first."

I could hear her smile over the line. "Of course. I'll be over soon. I think Mom has a friend she's meeting in town anyway. Hold on. I'll ask her."

I waited patiently as she asked her mom. I could hear their voices lightly over the phone.

"Pony, you still there?"

"I'm still here."

"Good. Mom says that's okay. She'll drop me off in an hour, all right?"

"All right. I'll see you then."

"Okay. Bye!"

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and went to my room to wait on her.

I lifted weights as I waited on her. Darry let me use his 20 pound ones instead of the light 5 pound ones. I had bulked up in the time since I came home from Windrixville. It seemed like it had been a lifetime ago since then. If things had only turned out differently...

The hour passed quickly. I had barely start leg exercises when I heard the car pull up outside.

I quickly got into my wheelchair and went to answer the door.

"Hey, Pony!" Rose greeted me. She leaned down and hugged me. I felt my ears get hot. I wasn't used to girls yet.

I offered her something to drink. I brought two bottles of Pepsi, my favorite.

"So, I take it you're still having a rough time?" Rose said once I opened her bottle for her.

"Not as bad. I did talk to my brothers about it a little more. But, I need to tell them the whole truth and it just seems like I have to say it to someone else first. I don't want to mess it up."

"I'm all ears." She leaned back in the chair, getting comfortable for the whole story.

I tried to make it short, but found that an hour passed after I finished telling her. She smiled when I said I hadn't meant to take so long.

"It's okay. Mom won't be done for a while anyway."

"So? What do you think?"

"I think you're in serious trouble and there's only one person who can dig you out of this slump."

"Who?"

"You."

I must have looked as confused as I felt for she smiled warmly, then continued to explain.

"Pony, I understand exactly what you're going through. One minute you think you're getting better, so you let yourself dare to hope for the best. Then something brings you down again and you wallow in self-pity and doubt. You degrade yourself even when you succeed because you won't dare get your hopes up to feel the pain of having them broken again.

"It's okay. You're allowed to hope, allowed to feel good about yourself. You are going to have so many successes in your life, but you will also have a lot of losses, too. Just don't make more of a deal out of the losses than the success. You deserve the best. You're one of a kind, special in your own way. I have no idea why this happened to you. Maybe in time you will. It'll make or break you. It's your choice what happens. And you can't chose both."

I felt better from her straightforwardness. It was what I needed to hear. I didn't need some therapist telling me how to feel. She didn't. She just helped me learn how to get through it.

"You think you're ready to tell them?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

I smiled brightly at her, and this time, it didn't feel so fake.

**Guys, I'm really thinking this one is starting to wrap up. What about you? I am going to make this into a trilogy, so this one won't be the end. I'll probably keep it going for several more chapters, just to get more from Johnny and Tom and all that. The third one will be more when Johnny returns and Dallas gets out of jail. It'll be the happiest definitely. It'll be more of a last hurrah and how things will get better, and how some things are worse. It'll be pretty long, because I'll have a lot planned. Who knows? It may turn into a four-logy. LOL**


	19. Admition: Tearjerker

**So sorry guys! I was planning on updating yesterday, but something came up and I didn't get enough time to write this chapter. **

**I need your help. Does anyone have any ideas for Dallas? I mean, there's only so much you can write from him being in jail. Let me know what you think!**

**Johnny's POV**

_Dear Johnny,_

_You'd better sit down for this one._

I feared the worst just at that one line. I sank down onto my bed, preparing for what was about to come.

_Two-Bit's sister Molly passed away. In his grief over the loss of his sister, he tried to commit suicide._

I gasped. Two-Bit tried to kill himself? It couldn't be. That wasn't Two-Bit. It couldn't be true. Then again, he had lost his sister. I had only seen her a handful of times, but I understood his pain of loss.

_Two-Bit told Darry that he didn't mean to shoot himself. He was going to commit suicide, but he decided against it at the last minute. It was too late, though. He shot himself in the shoulder._

_He called Darry before he did it. We went to his house and found him lying in a puddle of his own blood. The images still haunt me. It was awful, Johnny. I really thought we had lost him already._

_He's still in the hospital, but he should be able to go home soon. He seems better now that he's with his mom. She's one tough lady. I can't imagine what she must be thinking. Molly's funeral is coming up soon. We're all going to go._

_More bad news.(sorry) Dallas is in jail. He got in trouble for buying illegal drugs. I'm glad we know where he is now, but upset that he's in jail again._

_Rose has been helping me. I talked to her the other day and she helped. I am finally going to tell Darry and Soda the truth, but I know it's going to be hard. Wish me luck!_

_I hope Tom's okay. It must be scary for you._

_Your friend,_

_Pony_

I hadn't realized it had been that long since Pony had written me. I never told him about Tom because neither of us had written in that time. I still couldn't believe he had killed himself, right in front of me, but it became clear why he did it.

I turned to Tom's journal, opening up to where I had left off.

_The very sound of a little girl's laughter pierces my heart. Watching teenage boys play baseball is just another reminder. The smell of apple pie tells me she's not there. None of them are. That's not going to change._

_I burned the pictures, burned the reminders. I didn't want to see them. It wouldn't change a thing. They'd still be dead and I'd still be here alone. With no family to go to, I was placed in foster care. I showed nothing but rebellious indifference to each family. It was better when they finally locked me up here. Then I wouldn't have someone pretending to be my family, pretending to care. I didn't have the people who tried to fill the role of people who are irreplaceable._

_It isn't fair that I was left alone. Why did I live? Why did they have to die? Why bother leaving me here to live when it was so obvious that I longed for death? By longing for death, wouldn't it seem apparent that I would do anything to be satisfied of my longing?_

_I had another nightmare last night. It isn't bad enough that I hear their screams, see their bodies flash in my mind. I am cursed with the memories. I just wish they'd all go away._

I leaned back, thoughtful. How could anyone expect him to survive something like that? It wasn't bad enough that he was shot, but emotionally, psychologically, how could he stand it? Why couldn't they put him out of his misery? Why couldn't they leave him to die?

It didn't make sense to me that he survived. He should have died. His like held no meaning to him after his family died. And he had a family who cared about him, who loved him. It was the same as Pony's parents. They were the best parents I'd ever known. Why did the good have to die young?

Two-Bit might have decided to go through with the suicide. What was the world coming to?

**Pony's POV**

I took a deep breath as I prepared to talk to Soda and Darry. They were both in the living room, watching tv. I wheeled into the living room and went to the tv, turning the knob so that it would be off.

"What's up?" Soda asked. He had obviously been pretty into the tv show, but this was important. If I didn't do it now, I might not have the nerve to do it later.

"What is it, Pony?" Darry asked, leaning forward as he set down the newspaper he was reading.

"I-I have some things I should tell you."

Darry and Soda shared a surprised glance. When they turned their gazes back to me, I continued.

"Ever since I got hurt, I've felt like my life was moving out of control. I couldn't keep a handle on any of it. I wanted to stop it, but I couldn't. I didn't want to be crippled. But, I did have some hope of being able to walk again. So I held onto that for dear life. Those hopes were shattered when my leg got infected and they had to amputate so much of it off. I was crushed. Though I could still walk using the other leg, I didn't like the thought of people looking at me, staring because of my disfigurement. I didn't want people's pity; I still don't. I hate it. I can't stand people looking at me like I'm some kind of freak! The people at school don't want to look at me. They're afraid of me. They won't talk to me. They won't dare get in my way. I don't want special treatment because of this. I want to be normal! But that's not going to happen is it?

It's not just my personal problems that are killing me. I can't stand seeing you hurting, Darry. You're supposed to be Superman. Superman can feel no pain, right? Well, that image was broken when I saw you so hurt. I don't want that. I want you to be healthy. You're working too hard and I barely see you. I know you're worrying about me, and that's why I haven't been honest with you. Because if I make you worry more, you'll hurt more. I can't stand that, Darry.

Soda, you used to be the comic relief! I could always count on you for a smile. But your happiness was broken when you had to get another job. I didn't want to make you sadder by telling you about all my worries. You have enough to deal with, working two jobs. I miss you smiling, laughing, always being able to make me smile. That Soda's gone now, and I want him back.

The gang has been having problems, too. We can't deny it! Steve is so bitter because of his father. I know you've been worried about him now, Soda. I've been worried, too. Two-Bit wouldn't tell us about his sister being sick, dying, because he didn't want us to worry. By not talking about it, he let the anger and sadness well inside and because he was facing it alone, it was too much for him. So he tried to kill himself! What if he hadn't changed his mind? How would the gang have coped without him, knowing he had killed himself? It would have been too much for me to lose him.

Dallas is in who knows what kind of trouble. I've barely seen him since we returned from Windrixville. I know he blames himself for what happened to me and Johnny, but he shouldn't be thinking that way. But he's not around long enough for me to tell him it's not his fault. He's been punishing himself with drugs, or maybe he's just trying to get away from it by getting high, I don't know. But he shouldn't have gotten into that mess over something he had no control over. It was never his fault. He shouldn't have to pay for it.

Johnny won't be out of juvie for almost seven months. What will happen to him when he gets out? His family doesn't want him. He's always tried to earn their love, but it won't happen. Who will he go to? Foster parents? A boys' home? He won't be able to get along without us, just like we wouldn't be able to get along without him!

The only good parents that the gang ever knew were ours and they're gone! Why did the only parents who care have to die? What did they do wrong? What did they do to deserve it? Was it because of me? Was it my fault? Was it because I didn't get straight A's all the time? Was it because I got into trouble? Was I not good enough? Did I send them out that night? Were they just trying to get away from me, their spaced-out child who spent more time in his own world than in the real?"

I couldn't continue because the sobs were taking over my whole body. I turned on the wheelchair, burying my face in the armrest. I fell out of my wheelchair and onto the floor. I pushed my face into the carpet, crying into it as I grabbed fistfuls of it in my hands as I lay face-down on the floor.

**Darry's POV**

I felt the sobs rise in my own throat as I watched Pony collapse on the floor in a fit of tears and sobs. Soda was crying, tears pouring down his face and dampening the front of his shirt. I stood woodenly and walked to Pony's side.

I laid a hand on his back that was shaking from the uncontrollable sobs. Soda came over as well, laying down beside Pony and crying into the back of Pony's shirt as he wrapped his arms around Pony.

So much more had been bothering Pony than I had ever imagined. Rose had called me yesterday and said she thought he was going to be okay, that she had gotten a smile out of him. Maybe he was happier now, but getting those emotions off his chest must have left him vulnerable and upset.

I wiped at the tears on my face, but they kept coming. It was the last part that had bothered me the most, his naming all the things that he had done that could have caused Mom and Dad's deaths. I knew they weren't true, but him thinking them upset me.

I pulled Pony up from the floor once Soda let go of him. He continued to sob as I propped him against Soda. He wiped at his nose, fighting for control, but losing.

"Pony, I can't begin to respond to what you've told us. But the first thing that I can think of is that you were not, in any way, responsible for Mom and Dad's deaths. You hear me?" My voice was firm so the point would come across. He nodded. He made a squeaky whimper sound that scared me. There was so much sadness and misery written on his face. He momentarily turned and pressed his face in Soda's neck. Soda wrapped and arm around him, squeezing tightly.

When Pony turned back to me, I continued.

"Second, no matter how much it hurts me, I want you to tell me everything. You said yourself that Two-Bit was facing his sister's illness and death alone and that's what brought him to suicide. Pony, you're doing the same thing! You're fighting this alone and you're not letting me and Soda help you. You have to stop that. I can't let you end up like that. Do you know what you committing suicide would do to me? To Soda?"

Ponyboy held my gaze with a look that showed his shame and regret. He knew he shouldn't have carried it alone, but he had.

"It would kill us, Pony. You know that."

He nodded, crying even harder at the realization of his own words.

"I love you, Pony. I'll do anything to protect you from this misery you're going through. I'm proud of you for telling us the truth. You don't have to do this alone. You should know that by now. We stick together through anything. That's when we're the strongest. Don't you know that? We're here for you, Ponyboy. We're not leaving anytime soon and we're not letting you fight this alone. We'll take care of you. It's our job. When are you going to let us do it?"

Pony smiled slightly. He never had let us take care of him. He had a hard time letting us do his job. I hoped that would change.

"Come here, you," I said, opening my arms. He moved into them and I pulled Soda into the embrace as well.

I held onto my brothers, afraid to ever lose them. It couldn't happen... not on my watch.

**Here's some fun facts about this story:**

**Originally, Pony was the one to have an ulcer. I forgot about that plan and was mad at myself for forgetting and giving Darry one.**

**Two-Bit was going to die.**

**Pony was supposed to walk, but I thought it was too soon. He will in the next one, though!**


	20. It's About Time

**Soda's POV**

Pony lay stretched across the couch, Darry and I beneath him. Pony's head lay in the crook of Darry's arm and his legs were stretched across me lap. Darry brushed at Pony's hair, smiling down at him.

"What a night, huh?" I said, smiling at Darry.

He nodded. "Yeah."

We sat in silence on the couch, watching tv. The sound was turned down low so we wouldn't bother Pony. I was beginning to get tired, but wouldn't say anything. I didn't want to spoil a moment like this. Togetherness wasn't found often enough with us. Would it have made a difference for Pony if we had been around more? Some how, I doubted it. Pony trusted us for most things, but he didn't trust us enough to tell us about the important things. Just thinking about what he had said sent a pain through my heart.

I had tried to find a reason for Mom and Dad's deaths as well, stopping to think about how I could have been the reason for it. But I never held onto the thoughts for long because they just weren't reasonable. I was sure Darry had done the same. But with Pony, he must have held onto them, convinced he was to blame.

Ponyboy cried out with a yelp. Darry jumped, startled by the sudden noise. I looked down at Pony's face, but I didn't see any apparent reason for his cry of pain.

"Sh, sh," Darry said soothingly as he rubbed his hand across Pony's back. Pony immediately quieted, turning on his side so that his face was scrunched against Darry's biceps.

"You ready to get to bed?" Darry asked me, smiling.

"Sure."

Darry easily lifted Pony into his arms. Once he was standing and walking toward our room, I got up to follow.

Pony didn't react to being moved. Darry laid him down gently on the bed while I pulled the covers on top of him. I moved around to my side to get in. Darry stopped me with a hand on my wrist.

"What is it?" I asked, turning to fully face him.

"Do you think... is he going to be okay now?"

I nodded, smiling reassuringly at Darry.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think he will."

**Two-Bit's POV**

I held onto Mom's hand tightly as we walked down the aisle, Molly's casket laying at the end. I felt Mom shiver and I squeezed her hand in reassurance. I felt a lump form in my throat and tears came to my eyes. It was the last chance to see her, the last moments with her for the rest of my life. I didn't want to consider being without her for so long. Mom sobbed and I felt my own composure begin to break down.

Molly lay inside the casket wearing a beautiful white dress with small, colorful flowers outlining it. She looked completely peaceful, for which I was thankful. She was so still, so lifeless. How did death make her peaceful? Would I have found the same peace if I had gone through with suicide?

I decided it was better to remain here. Mom needed me now. I couldn't let her face two deaths in that short amount of time. She didn't deserve that. She needed someone to stand by her, to keep her upright when she loses the strength to stand. I would be that person for her, her personal lifeguard. I wouldn't let her face the emptiness and loss of losing Molly alone. As much as I wanted to disappear with a six-pack of Bud, I knew I couldn't do that. Not now. I had promised Molly I would be there for Mom and I would keep it.

Mom let go of my hand when we reached the casket. She now stroked the edges lovingly. She reached down and fixed a stray hair off Molly's face, smiling down at her.

"You look beautiful," She said, her voice cracking slightly.

If she didn't look so lifeless, she would have been beautiful. Though she still looked perfect and angelic, I wouldn't call her beautiful. Beautiful would be seeing her bright blue eyes looking up at me, smiling with a perfect serenity. It wouldn't happen though. My little sister was gone.

Mom moved off to the side. I looked down at Molly, noticing how one of my tears had dampened a spot on her dress.

"I'll keep my promise, kid. I'll be there for Mom. I just... I just wish you would be, too." My voice broke with emotion. I wiped at my wet face and runny nose.

"I... I love you. I know I never said it enough. I should have stuck around more. I didn't mean to abandon you like Dad did. Please, forgive me. I-I don't want to miss you because it hurts so much. But I do. The hurts still there everyday. I just wish you were here with me. I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much."

I leaned down and folded my arms against the edge of her casket, sobbing into my folded arms. I felt gentle hands on my shoulders and I looked up to find Mom watching me carefully. When my strength gave out, she was there to hold me up. Just like I'd be for her.

Later, Darry, Soda, Steve, and I carried her casket to her final resting place. I was grateful for how supportive the gang was. Pony spoke his regret for not being able to help. I wished Johnny and Dallas could have come.

I watched her casket be placed underground. The finality of it hit me hard, but I felt a peace was over me. I was going to be okay now.

Mom squeezed me around the waist as we headed toward are car. It was time to go home. It would never be the same without Molly, but we'd help each other get through the change. And I had a feeling Molly would be watching over us and helping us, too.

**Johnny's POV**

_Dear Johnny,_

_Well, you'll be happy to know that I am much better now! I finally talked to Darry and Soda and told them the truth. And you know what? It paid off! I wouldn't have expected it. I had been so afraid to tell them anything when I ended up wasting time that I could have spent happy. Sure, I still worry about the gang because I don't really know how they're feeling, except you. Two-Bit seems to be doing much better. He had a bit of a breakdown at Molly's funeral, but that's to be expected I guess. Since then, he's been really different, but in a good way. He hasn't been drinking as much and he's been home a lot more. I think he's been taking care of his Mom and all. I'm glad he's better. Could you imagine if he had gone through with it?_

_Steve still seems pretty bitter, but he says he has talked to his dad. I know there's a lot of anger between them. I hope they can work it out some time. I don't want him to hate his father. At least he has one, right?_

_No one's heard from Dallas, but I guess he's okay. He can't get into too much trouble in jail. At least we know where he is. That's the way I see it. And he can't be on drugs or start drinking. I hope he's not too mad about that._

_I hope you're doing okay. I can't believe you still have half a year to go. I hope the time passes quickly and we can figure something out before you get out. I don't want you to have to be stuck with a bunch of strangers._

_I'll write soon!_

_Your friend,_

_Ponyboy Curtis_

I smiled at the change in Pony's attitude. He seemed so much happier and that made me happy. I knew he had been going through a rough time. I was relieved to hear he was getting some new hope back.

I had finished Tom's journal. His life seemed so hard. It made me grateful for my own, though that didn't make much sense. Sure, he had had a nice family who actually cared about him, but his was taken away from him. I think it would be harder to have a family who loves you and lose them than to have a family who hates you who are living. I wouldn't wish death on anyone, but I know how hard it is trying to deal with a family who doesn't care that you even exist.

Six months is a long time. I can't wait to get out, but I'm also scared. I don't want to be put in a foster family like Tom had. He seemed to hate them, but then he had a good family to compare to. I guess anything else would be an improvement for me. Or at least I hoped so.

I sighed. There was no way for me to know what would come. I'd have to take each day as they come, hoping that things would be better for me. I wasn't too concerned. I'd have six months and I wouldn't want to waste my time worrying about something that I have no control over.

I'll just take what I can get.

**Pony's POV**

I sat reading my history book on the couch. I looked up when Darry and Soda came in, fighting over something. I wasn't sure what, but it must not have been too important. They were smiling and laughing as they hit each other.

"Say 'uncle,'" Darry demanded as he held Soda in a head lock.

"Never!" Soda screamed.

"Fine."

Darry grabbed Soda and slammed him down on the floor.

Soda hit the floor with an "ouch."

"That's what you get for hogging up the bathroom for so long. What were you doing? Shaving your legs?" Darry laughed. I couldn't hide my snicker.

Soda knocked Darry's legs from out from under him and Darry joined Soda on the floor.

"What are you laughing at?" Soda asked as he and Darry turned to look at me as I laughed at them.

"Nothing," I said between smirks.

"Oh, really?" Darry said, reaching up and pulling my arm. My book fell to the floor and I on top of it.

I laughed as they pinned me down, tickling me.

Soda was tickling my ribs relentlessly.

"Stop it!" I demanded between laughs, and then I did something that caused us all to stop in silence. So I repeated it.

I had kicked Soda.

We all looked at each other and soon we all broke out grinning. We all started laughing and we hugged each other in excitement.

Who knew something so small as a kick could bring so much joy?

It had. It gave me a new hope of how I'd progress. What next? Walking? Running? Dancing? I laughed. I'd face any of them head on. Good things were coming my way. It was about time, too.

**Well guys, I hadn't really expected to end it here, but as I started writing this chapter I realized how boring it was getting. I'd have to add something new to make it more exciting. Sorry I didn't get Steve or Dallas' POVs in this chapter. I was running out of ideas for them.**

**In answer to a Fun Fact question, Tom was a last minute decision. I had had a plan for a character like him, but he didn't come to life until later in the story. I hadn't had an actual plan for him to appear in this story, but I realized I couldn't have Johnny all by himself and just writing to Pony. He'd need more interaction than that.**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this story! I'll have the third up by the end of the week. I need time to think of the general plan. I usually have over half the story planned when I begin writing it, and I'm not there yet with the upcoming one. I hope you can bear with me until then.**

**As always, thanks for your love and support! It wouldn't be worth writing without it!**

**As always, your dedicated writer,**

**Meghan aka Curtisbrothersfan**


End file.
